As I lay here in my bed this evening after finishing a "Flower Essence" lecture I've decided to write my first blog here on the site and what better topic to start off with as I venture into this new part of my life as part of the SG family.
I'll start off with a little bit of a background about me. I'm 27 years old and have for a very long time suffered with depression and have never had much self worth. I used to be extremely critical of myself and hated everything about my appearance. This was heightened after having my first baby 3 years ago. I went through postpartum depression and the best way I can describe how I was feeling was that I was drowning in motherhood and as I sunk further and further down I was losing everything about myself that I had ever known. Fast forward to now. I have worked on a lot of this and have finally in the past few months become the most confident I have been in my life. I love myself. I love my body. I am beautiful, and no one can convince me otherwise.
What are 5 things you wish you could tell yourself 5 years ago?
1. "You can't have a fully functioning relationship with someone until you truly love yourself"
When you hate yourself, or hate your own looks, or your own body, I believe you can't really accept love from someone else. It's like the old saying goes "You can't expect someone else to love you if you can't love yourself". It's not so much that the other person doesn't love you, it's more so that you're not in the proper frame of mind to actually accept and acknowledge that love. Your guard is up and even though your partner may be constantly telling you how beautiful you are, you just don't believe it. This can even force you to create your own assumptions and paranoia about what your partner thinks/feels about you.
2. "GIRL you do not need to look perfect!!!"Oh boy I spent so long trying to look like certain celebrities, follow their training and meal plans, get the same hair style etc in hopes that I would magically look like someone else. Embrace your own individuality, create and follow your own training program, be inspired by other women but never feel as though their beauty means the diminishment of your own. It's okay to look up to these celebrities for inspiration but never think that you are any less than them.
3. "Good things CAN happen for you"
For so long I lived under a silly assumption that good things always happened to other people but were completely out of reach for me. For example, I went through three miscarriages before having my daughters. I believed that I was destined to not carry a baby to full term as being a mother would be "too good" of a thing to happen for me. After the birth of my first daughter Nico back in 2014, I remember looking in the mirror about 20 minutes after she was born and just staring at myself whispering "You did it, you did." in total amazement. This was a turning point for me. I now realised that what seemed impossible and out of reach for me had actually become a reality.
4. "Slow down and enjoy even the boring days. Don't wish for days to hurry up and be over."
This one pretty much speaks for itself. Enjoy every day. Make even the most mundane things in life interesting. If you look hard enough, I'm sure you'll be able to find at least one good thing about your day. It could even be as simple as the feeling you got when you took that first sip of coffee in the morning and suddenly felt alive.
5. "Don't be so scared to try new things"
Stop living your life being dictated by your own fear mixed with worry of other peoples opinions. You don't need to be so scared of everything. Take a risk and if it fails then so what?! Move on to the next thing and put it under your belt as a learning experience. It has taken me til the age of 27 to actually put this aspiration i've had from an early age of modelling for SG into reality purely because I was scared. Scared of failing, scared of what others would say about me, scared of TRYING. But if you never try, you never know. And what I know now is that Suicide Girls has provided me with a loving and supportive community of likeminded women. Yes, this journey has brought out gossip among people in my life but it has always revealed so much support and encouragement from friends and followers on social media. Even people that I wouldn't have expected have shown their support and I feel so overwhelmed with love and all the good vibes!
So that's it from me beautiful people. I hope to start blogging at least once a week and hope you'll continue to follow me along this wild ride,
Ocea-Rae xx
@rambo @missy
