So I am kinda in a shitty mood because I am feeling very alone right now...just found out one of my highschool friends is happily married to a navy boy. i guess i could have handled the marriage thing but the navy boy, someone shoot me now cause that just rubs it in deeper that me and robert are over (which i continue to be in denial about). Also I found out another friend is engaged and to be married this may. I am now reflecting back on the past 20 (almost 21) years of my life thinking what pathetic relationships I have had...okay more like 3 years seeing as i didnt have my first boyfriend till almost 18 and i just want to cry. I dont know if i have ever felt so hopelessly alone then i do at this very moment in time. anymore the guys i meet just want to fuck and then never call again, granted i have handled the random "i am trying to get over robert through sex" sex but now i want someone perminent...someone who will be there whether i want to fuck, or just want to cuddle or have dinner with. why is this so hard...i dont know. okay well i am gonna go to bed and reflect on this via dreams. if anyone has any good ideas i am always open to them. okay night. 
There has been sociological research that indicates the hardest time in a woman's life can be from the ages of 18-21 or so. I found that period incredibly difficult, personally. Things will get better!