obsidity

I think I missed the panacea for the deep grief noone can touch part.... sounds quite heavy ; )

I think the key to not creating that situation (him getting into you, you deciding you don't want it, and leaving... hurting him), is simply in maintaining communication about it. If you tell someone what you feel, honestly, at each step along the way... they will progress through your experience just like you do, and won't be surprised at the end... or, in the optimal case, will continue to hear your love expressed (not in a repeat it every day as a habit way, but in an sincere communication way). It sounds like you are able to talk directly about those issues, and already are, so it seems like you're on a good path in that sense. Granted, it doesn't remove all heartache from situations, but it will definitely make expectations more manageable.

I'm sorry it's confusing though. If you can just know what YOU want, and tell him what you want, and find out what he wants (that's a lot of wanting ; ) you should be fine though. Not to say that what you want isn't confusing... god knows most of us stumble around trying to figure out what we want for our entire lives. But the answer to that is there usually, if your paying attention and willing to accept the answers. Okay, now I'm on some philosophical soapbox... I'm stopping ; )