obsidity

Wow. BUMO was great.
I had reached a steadystate of alternate conciousness just as I got there and they only served to buoy me in that ocean of bliss. I so *heart* SGSF!
And I feel guilty for trying to prolong that state of floating.
I ask you.
Why not? WHy not stay there? as much as posssible?
Sure I am interested in accomplishing things, I have a lot a lot to give and I love to be in a creative space, and I would be so excited to find others to share a nd teach and learn and create with....
But so what? What if I don't fulfill my *fabulous incredible * potential in this life? What does it matter? Oh maybe I wil be remembered as "that girl who had so much potential once".... And then I die. I won't care after that what people think of my accomplishments or lack thereof. I will be dead dead dead.
SO what. It's not like I will be remembered anyway. And why does it matter if people remember me? Do I just want the idea of me to live on as meme infiltrating the human conciousness, exerting its influence in perception?
... It doesn't matter. Why should we live up to our fullest potential of creativity and explosive brilliance?
So what?
So what if I want to be attractive to others? respected? Held in the gaze of a few humans who attribute causal states to my being?
Sometimes I just don't see the point.
What if I amount to NOTHING?
Who will care besides my parents? why would it even matter? in a world of 6 or so...billion people what difference does it make?
I am not famous. And so what? Even if the human population isn't wiped out in the next century it won't make a bit of difference either way if somebody thought I was cute or smart or clever.
This is not a downer. This is REALITY. And then I am not even starting to take into account my existence on this planet and my effects upon it as a modern human,
Sometimes it is so clear that motivation is so base ans stems from one point only. My DNA wants to continue. The memes I have acquired want to continue. On such a basic level there is the key to absolute freedom. I just want to find it. Find the release.....