obsidity

Goddammit, this guy has warped my perception! The boy I went to visit, I mean. I have just been getting more time with girls intimately, and I have had a change in my view of other women in general as a result. Instead of comparing and feeling shitty about myself in view of other beautiful women, I can really appreciate them in this lovely receptive and respectful way, even if I am thinking "nice ass!" I felt a change from the way society pits girls against each other, to fight for the men. But when I was hanging out with this guy he was looking at everyone else but me and under different circumstances I can look and appreciate too, adore, revel in the sight of a beautiful woman. All I felt was that I was inadequate. How did I let him have that much power over my self esteem? I demand that I take it back! But it has been difficult to see the girls here on the site because I can imagine his reaction. idiot. I just wanted to get that off my chest. the girls are gorgeous. I honor them, but I don't think I can look at them right now. I feel tainted in my newly emerging understanding of the sexuality of women.
help.