Should i keep this name or should i go back to oblivion ??
Well I haven't drank in about 3 weeks 2 1/2. I don't know. I had a beer on thursday but i just quit at it and left. I didn't feel the need. I started drinking this year because a friend of mine always wanted to go to the bar on the weekends. I hadn't touched the stuff in almost 5 years or more. I quit because I became a different person when I drank. Even while sober. My personality just changed. I don't like who I become during those times. That person is the demon in my dreams I always run from in fear. I get moody, angry, paranoid, and suicidal some times. I guess I have more of my family in me than i care to admit even to myself. I was going down this road and I forgot that booze usually does this to me. My mood has improved a lot. I'm still not that happy about a lot but I can worry about it till I am blue in the face or just keep trying. I guess when you stop trying is when you start dying.
I said some things to people I shouldn't have. I hurt the feelings of good friends that were trying to help me out. I am trying to fix the damage I have done but if I can't then it isn't meant to be and I shouldn't have broken it in the first place now should I ? I relax a bit more now. Not much cause I am not a person to relax but still I try. I fish and other things just to get away from everyone and everything. Those are my zen moments. When it is just me and that one moment. That one changing moment. Each second that ticks away I am the same but different.
The thing I miss the most some times is close friends. People who I trust that live near me. I have quite a few friends here but some times I just need to cool my heels on the porch as the cars go by and watch the throngs of humanity as they whittle away their time. Some of the people I have met in real life from this site are awesome beyond words. Especially those I've met in the SGKY and SGDayton groups. Good people. Fun people. The kind of people you wan tto get to know. I think some times thats part of why we are here. To form relationships and create a web or network of people and create some kind of chain reaction or domino effect in reality. I don't know. That is perhaps a musing for another time.
For those that I said something weird to in a journal entry or might have insulted inadvertantly or purposly insulted I appologize. I can on do so much to fix things that I borke. We'll see where it all goes in the end.
Charles
Well I haven't drank in about 3 weeks 2 1/2. I don't know. I had a beer on thursday but i just quit at it and left. I didn't feel the need. I started drinking this year because a friend of mine always wanted to go to the bar on the weekends. I hadn't touched the stuff in almost 5 years or more. I quit because I became a different person when I drank. Even while sober. My personality just changed. I don't like who I become during those times. That person is the demon in my dreams I always run from in fear. I get moody, angry, paranoid, and suicidal some times. I guess I have more of my family in me than i care to admit even to myself. I was going down this road and I forgot that booze usually does this to me. My mood has improved a lot. I'm still not that happy about a lot but I can worry about it till I am blue in the face or just keep trying. I guess when you stop trying is when you start dying.
I said some things to people I shouldn't have. I hurt the feelings of good friends that were trying to help me out. I am trying to fix the damage I have done but if I can't then it isn't meant to be and I shouldn't have broken it in the first place now should I ? I relax a bit more now. Not much cause I am not a person to relax but still I try. I fish and other things just to get away from everyone and everything. Those are my zen moments. When it is just me and that one moment. That one changing moment. Each second that ticks away I am the same but different.
The thing I miss the most some times is close friends. People who I trust that live near me. I have quite a few friends here but some times I just need to cool my heels on the porch as the cars go by and watch the throngs of humanity as they whittle away their time. Some of the people I have met in real life from this site are awesome beyond words. Especially those I've met in the SGKY and SGDayton groups. Good people. Fun people. The kind of people you wan tto get to know. I think some times thats part of why we are here. To form relationships and create a web or network of people and create some kind of chain reaction or domino effect in reality. I don't know. That is perhaps a musing for another time.
For those that I said something weird to in a journal entry or might have insulted inadvertantly or purposly insulted I appologize. I can on do so much to fix things that I borke. We'll see where it all goes in the end.
Charles
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...as long as you change your SN to ChuckSweetcheeks.
-TM
Charles,
The choice of drinking or not is something that you can do. If you don't feel happy with the results of drinking - then don't drink. And remember that if you chose not to drink, you do not need to have a drink just because you are in a bar. There are many people that frequent bars because they want to hang out someplace. The main thing is for you to feel happy in whatever choice you make.
From what you say, it looks like you might stop drinking completely because you don't like the changes that happen to you when you drink.
Your friends will like you with or without the drinking.
ok, I think I am done talking out my ass.
Catch ya later
ed