Well the story goes down for a little bit. I am going to make changes to it then put it back up. So some of you have been worried about me lately. Well there might have been good reason but I never would have told you. You see i don't just up and tell people exactly how I feel when I am down. I just don't I've revealed myself to people before and it just went wrong. So I don't say whats going on in my head many times and I don't really want anyone to know other than my rants.
Someone asked me why I was home most of last week and not at work. I told them that I was sick. This is true yes sorta. I was really ill but I was more depressed than anything. So Monday was my downfall. What did I do? Well you see I figured i'd had enough. Stress, bills, health, work, my perpetual self created loneliness etc. So I had had enough. I had a shit load of liqour and a lot of pills. I figured sounds like a plan. But I figured I had to be really liqoured up before I could do this. So..... I had a shit load ot drink. I mean a shitload. I couldn't gather the courage sober to do this so I figured I would just get wasted and do it. Luckily(according to how you look at this) I got so wasted that I dropped a bottle which smashed on the floor and I passed out before I could ever do it. I work up the next morning on the floor slightly scratched up from where i moved over the glass in my sleep. I guess my story was a reaction to this I don't know and I don't care.
So I took a break from humanity for the week. I just kinda sat here at home in my pjs roaming the web being kinda here and not here. I went back in on thursday but it was too much and I had to leave. I wasn't ready to interact.
Why in Gods name I decided I could handl guys night out i'll never know. No one knew exactly what was going on in my head cause i'm good at hiding shit but i went anyways. I also went really upset over my mother. She was having internal bleeding and was sick. My mother is like me though and told me to go out cause I shouldn't worry about her. We argued about it a little and I left.
I liked guys night out. It was good. I got really drunk and made an idiot of myself but it was fun. I'm surprised I'm still breathing.
The poetry conference turned out to be a free for all. Stories or poetry. If you aren't a writer you wouldn't understand. Its like being home when I am with those people. It healed my soul in ways. I feel a little better now than I did before. I came up with some new ideas and I figured I will try to flesh them out. I just I wish I could describe it to you but like I said if you aren't one it just doesn't make any sense.
This little rant I guess is to make an appology to those I just kind of was abrupt with or very cold with. I just am sorry. That is all I can say. I am especially sorry to Inanna who doesn't know why I am sorry and probably won't read this so its all good. But anyways I'm tired from the weekend and I have stuff to work out still.
Peace out.
Charles
Someone asked me why I was home most of last week and not at work. I told them that I was sick. This is true yes sorta. I was really ill but I was more depressed than anything. So Monday was my downfall. What did I do? Well you see I figured i'd had enough. Stress, bills, health, work, my perpetual self created loneliness etc. So I had had enough. I had a shit load of liqour and a lot of pills. I figured sounds like a plan. But I figured I had to be really liqoured up before I could do this. So..... I had a shit load ot drink. I mean a shitload. I couldn't gather the courage sober to do this so I figured I would just get wasted and do it. Luckily(according to how you look at this) I got so wasted that I dropped a bottle which smashed on the floor and I passed out before I could ever do it. I work up the next morning on the floor slightly scratched up from where i moved over the glass in my sleep. I guess my story was a reaction to this I don't know and I don't care.
So I took a break from humanity for the week. I just kinda sat here at home in my pjs roaming the web being kinda here and not here. I went back in on thursday but it was too much and I had to leave. I wasn't ready to interact.
Why in Gods name I decided I could handl guys night out i'll never know. No one knew exactly what was going on in my head cause i'm good at hiding shit but i went anyways. I also went really upset over my mother. She was having internal bleeding and was sick. My mother is like me though and told me to go out cause I shouldn't worry about her. We argued about it a little and I left.
I liked guys night out. It was good. I got really drunk and made an idiot of myself but it was fun. I'm surprised I'm still breathing.
The poetry conference turned out to be a free for all. Stories or poetry. If you aren't a writer you wouldn't understand. Its like being home when I am with those people. It healed my soul in ways. I feel a little better now than I did before. I came up with some new ideas and I figured I will try to flesh them out. I just I wish I could describe it to you but like I said if you aren't one it just doesn't make any sense.
This little rant I guess is to make an appology to those I just kind of was abrupt with or very cold with. I just am sorry. That is all I can say. I am especially sorry to Inanna who doesn't know why I am sorry and probably won't read this so its all good. But anyways I'm tired from the weekend and I have stuff to work out still.
Peace out.
Charles
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Hey those were my lollipops that you took when you were drunk!
Take care of yourself, Chuckie Baby.
-TM