obliviousfocus

Why I hate the holidays or bah humbug

So it will be Christmas next week and same old excuse as last year. I go hang out with the family and we all sit around and joke and have fun. I love that I really do, but I've never had a christmas where i was with someone and I got to spend that christmas with them. I came close once but I got to spend our christmas about oh I'd say 2 weeks before christmas cause she was staying with her family in florida after that. There is nothing I hate more than sitting with my family and I am the only one not with anyone. Sitting there watching them all have fun and enjoying themselves while I do my own thing. I don't think they really get it. I just many times don't feel like being there and would rather just go drive around in the snow and see that. I don't wan't a warm body or anything like that. I just want just one time to wake up next to someone during christmas and have that. I am going to be 30 next year and I still haven't experienced that. You know how pathetic that makes me feel some times.

Now I contend with the whole wanting to pack my shit up and start over somewhere hahaha. I don't think i can get any more emo. Just blah. Maybe when christmas has passed and my birthday is over and i wake up in a drunken haze covered in 5 day old filth and i haven't shaved and as i stare in the mirror with blood shot eyes i won't give a fuck.