I'm back in for Chicago for a week on business. Not a bad deal--I work full time this week and get a free trip home to see friends and family. I only wish I felt better. I've got no good reason for it but I'm tired and easily frustrated and it seems hard to keep despairing thoughts from swirling around the corners of my brain.
But why should I feel this way, really? What's so different in my life than a month ago when I didn't feel this way? It's tempting to think that the content of those despairing thoughts reveal the answer. That so and such aspect of my life, this frustration, that girl, etc., are making me unhappy. But are those things the problem? I dunno, it seems more like this is some chemical thing, and it's putting pressure on me that comes out wherever my emotional armor is weakest.
So it's probably best not to internalize this too much, to not get caught up in the topics of unhappiness these depressive thoughts cling to. Instead, I have to think about what I want, and what I will do to get it. (And also possibly who I want and who I will do...)
Sorry, aside from that no funny, witty quips in the journal today. Hope you all are well.
But why should I feel this way, really? What's so different in my life than a month ago when I didn't feel this way? It's tempting to think that the content of those despairing thoughts reveal the answer. That so and such aspect of my life, this frustration, that girl, etc., are making me unhappy. But are those things the problem? I dunno, it seems more like this is some chemical thing, and it's putting pressure on me that comes out wherever my emotional armor is weakest.
So it's probably best not to internalize this too much, to not get caught up in the topics of unhappiness these depressive thoughts cling to. Instead, I have to think about what I want, and what I will do to get it. (And also possibly who I want and who I will do...)
Sorry, aside from that no funny, witty quips in the journal today. Hope you all are well.