oa55

christmas is upon us and i'm losing what strands of sanity i have left. yes, i complain about the crowds and the shopping and christmas songs and a ton of other shit associated with "the holidays", but that's not what i hate the most. what i despise is what happens to me mentally from thanksgiving to new years. the christmas season brings out the best in many people; they're friendlier, more considerate and a joy to be around. me? i'm bitter, on edge and waiting for the "bad news" that comes with this time of the year. the month of december depresses the hell out of me and i deal with it in the only way i've ever known how... get mad and stay that way. it used to be different; but now it brings memories of deaths, break-ups, accidents and tragedies in general. i don't want to sound like i'm wallowing in my own self-pity, although maybe i am a little, but when do you decide enough is enough and move into a forest somewhere and hide from everyone and everything. i'm great at talking other people down, i just don't know how to come in off the ledge myself. and with that second most couple oriented moment of the year coming up in 8 nights; i'm looking for a new, creative, self-destructive way to spend new year's. right now, i'm thinking a night of jager-bombs on bourbon st.; we'll see.

i hope everyone's holidays bring much happiness; really, i do. share your great stories and i'll try to stay out of jail...