nyghtwish

I'm still in shock a little about the whole Scott thing. It happened so fast...and I'm getting worried about myself. I thought I could do the whole fuck buddy thing. Except I really like him. And I didn't sleep with him to try to get him to fall in love with me or anything dumb. Seriously, the only thing going through my head was that I wanted sex. With anyone. But I'm thankful now it was him.

So I'm trying not to expect anything...I knew he didn't want a relationship from the beginning. But I can't help it that a part of me wishes he would change his mind for some reason. I thought I didn't want a serious relationship. They say that you need half the time you were in a relationship to recover after a breakup, which would mean a year and a half. Except when Lewis and I broke up, it had been a long time coming. It wasn't sudden or unexpected, so there had already been a few months in there where we weren't feeling it anymore. And we've been apart nine months...christ. Nine months already. See? I want another one, another relationship. Yeah they hurt sometimes, but it's way better than being alone.