*Sigh*
So I'm a little better in the last couple of days. I've been seriously stressing about too many things. I have one more thing to stress over this weekend and then I can rest. I'm working on writing an exam for my Chaucer class, which is going to be late, but I've seriously almost given up on school so I figure I just need to tough it out a little bit longer.
I was stressing a lot about Scott, more than necessary. If something comes of it, awesome. If it doesn't, it was a good run, you know? It reaffirmed my faith that someone other than my ex will find me attractive. So that's always a start. I've been expecting too much of him, I think, for not trying to start a relationship. I mean, yeah, it pisses me off that we basically haven't talked since I went up there almost two weeks ago. We catch each other here and there, but he hasn't initiated any conversation since I visited. So part of me was thinking he had just gotten what he wanted and was done with me. (No, I didn't fuck him.)
But then again, I know he's been insanely busy, probably even more than me. And I've been next to crazy over the stuff I've been involved with the last two weeks. And against my better judgement, I did confront him about it one day and basically asked if he was still interested. Which is risky, but I was getting really sick of putting myself out there and not getting much back in return. At that point, he basically had a get out of jail free card from me, he could have told me if he wasn't, you know? But he didn't. He apologized for being so busy and said that yes, he was still interested, just not in a relationship. Perfect, me too.
Though I also wonder about his deal with relationships. I do. What 28 year old man is THAT scared of a commitment? Hm. Maybe it's not that weird. Gosh. 28. It's hard to figure out what he wants and it makes me nervous that he's screwing around so much. Although I'm not really looking for a relationship, I would be pretty upset if I guy I was at least sexually interested in got into a relationship with someone else.
But you can't convince someone to date you, as I have learned in the past. So I've done a lot of thinking and decided not to second-guess myself about this. He'd be lucky to land me. And if this doesn't go anywhere, I can just put it into my bank of experiences to learn from.
So I'm a little better in the last couple of days. I've been seriously stressing about too many things. I have one more thing to stress over this weekend and then I can rest. I'm working on writing an exam for my Chaucer class, which is going to be late, but I've seriously almost given up on school so I figure I just need to tough it out a little bit longer.
I was stressing a lot about Scott, more than necessary. If something comes of it, awesome. If it doesn't, it was a good run, you know? It reaffirmed my faith that someone other than my ex will find me attractive. So that's always a start. I've been expecting too much of him, I think, for not trying to start a relationship. I mean, yeah, it pisses me off that we basically haven't talked since I went up there almost two weeks ago. We catch each other here and there, but he hasn't initiated any conversation since I visited. So part of me was thinking he had just gotten what he wanted and was done with me. (No, I didn't fuck him.)
But then again, I know he's been insanely busy, probably even more than me. And I've been next to crazy over the stuff I've been involved with the last two weeks. And against my better judgement, I did confront him about it one day and basically asked if he was still interested. Which is risky, but I was getting really sick of putting myself out there and not getting much back in return. At that point, he basically had a get out of jail free card from me, he could have told me if he wasn't, you know? But he didn't. He apologized for being so busy and said that yes, he was still interested, just not in a relationship. Perfect, me too.
Though I also wonder about his deal with relationships. I do. What 28 year old man is THAT scared of a commitment? Hm. Maybe it's not that weird. Gosh. 28. It's hard to figure out what he wants and it makes me nervous that he's screwing around so much. Although I'm not really looking for a relationship, I would be pretty upset if I guy I was at least sexually interested in got into a relationship with someone else.
But you can't convince someone to date you, as I have learned in the past. So I've done a lot of thinking and decided not to second-guess myself about this. He'd be lucky to land me. And if this doesn't go anywhere, I can just put it into my bank of experiences to learn from.
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You'll be just fine ... trust me ... just date older men for a while ... then when you're done with that the only ones left will men your own age and maybe you'll get lucky with one of them. Lord knows by then they'll be desperate enough. Or you can go back to your old boyfriends ... cause they'll be all grown up ... a couple of 'em might have graduated college by then ... who knows?