nyghtwish

This week has beyond kicked my ass. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm emotionally killed. I'm behind on my work. Seriously, just fucking shoot me.

I haven't slept enough this week because I've had papers, exams, my brother visiting, work until midnight, all sorts of shit. And I still have the hideous cough that I accumulated over Spring Break. It makes me gag, so I've skipped a bunch of classes so that I don't gag in class. That would be horrible.

I found out that preppy pretty boy not only has a girlfriend (whom he never mentioned until yesterday), but they've been together for three years and are completely chaste with each other. Turns out he's religious too. And he's insecure about his looks. I guess he's not really my type...I just wish he had been.

So I found out about all this yesterday. Then today I worked with my ex. And guess who shows up? His new girlfriend. Awesome. I feel like a million dollars today. And of course he and I have a kick ass time, just talking and laughing...and he slips once and calls me "honey." Fuck, I felt like crying...and now, of course I'm going to. This is ridiculous.

Honestly, I feel cheated. I would have been a much better college student if I hadn't been worrying about him and our relationship all the fucking time. For three years, I went home every weekend I could just to spend a few hours with him. I talked on the phone and on the internet when I should have been doing work to keep our long distance relationship alive. I sacrificed so much to be with him...and now, at the end of my college career, when I've already fucked things up, I don't even have him to comfort me when I've lost all hope for my future. I wasted all those years because I thought we were going to be together forever.

And this, I hate doing THIS. I should be better than this.