nyghtwish

So I was up until almost six last night doing a lot of thinking. About my non-relationship, about my future, about how much I miss the friends I don't talk to anymore. I don't know that I came to any conclusions, but it was nice to be brutally honest with myself for once instead of glossing over the not-so-pretty picture.

I did come to the conclusion that living with my same roommate next year might not be the best idea. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death and would have a hell of a time parting ways. But she brings me down. She makes me unmotivated. Because she's doing okay for herself. She makes $9.50 an hour at a monotonous 40 hour a week job. She can pay her bills. And she's doing just fine.

I've never wanted that for myself. I've always wanted more because I think I can have it. But seeing her "do okay" is so tempting. I don't know. I know I'd never be happy like that.

So yeah, lots of thinking. Which has made me a little depressed today. But that can be good sometimes, when you really need a kick in the butt.