nyghtwish

Yep, so obviously I expect way too much from someone who has never given me much to begin with. I guess I just don't understand how he can go from being all lovey-huggy on Sunday to basically being an ass to me all night tonight. So I tried to have a serious discussion about what ever the hell it is we're doing...cuz, I mean, it kinda sucks when I'm never sure if he wants me or not. And if he didn't want me tonight, why did he keep rubbing my feet and that kind of thing? We aren't friends like that. Sigh.

I'm afraid he thinks I'm trying to date him. Which is about the farthest thing from what I want right now. I just want to have fun and block the fact that I no longer have the security of my boyfriend/best friend. It's weird, because I miss him at such bizarre times. And it's almost unbearable to see him, except that it's actually unbearable not to see him. So I'm fucked either way.

I hate boy problems. I feel like such a whiney girl and I'm better than that. The only reason I keep going back to my ex is because I'm scared that the future I planned for so many years is crumbling. Not even that. It has crumbled. There's no wedding, no children, no growing old together. That's gone. And I keep going back to the other boy because he's seriously the most gentle person I've ever been with. At least when I can get him to focus on something other than video games and being a complete dick.