So I figured I owed you all a real, decent update, though I'm sure you haven't been on the edge of your seats or anything.
First of all, I have absolutely NO money and no motivation to get a job. I know that the money I'll be making at school is actually NADA in the end, and everything I made over the summer is pretty much gone. I try not to think about it that much. But at some point, it's going to bite me in the ass.
Had a party last night and, honestly, I'm not cut out for parties. I had a good time until the cops showed up and I got nominated to be the house speaker. So he took MY name and driver's license number because I was the least drunk. What sense does that make? So then I got grumpy and paranoid. I don't really feel like getting a fine or having to go to court...or jail for that matter. I tried to go to bed, then got a little booty, then tried to go to bed again. People seem a lot louder when you're desperate for them to be quiet...
Things with the bf have been rough lately. He blows me off a lot trying to get the full college experience. The thing that kills me is that he KNEW I'd expect certain things if he came to school with me. It was hard enough being long distance these last two and a half years. Now we're together and I feel like I see/talk to him less than I have in ages. Our big "talks" go in circles because he can't seem to decide if he wants to be committed or not. If I'm the one that suggests we take a break and see other people, he acts hurt and untrusting. But if HE suggests it, he acts like I'm supposed to be completely understanding. So we just go back and forth. I'm not even sure what I want. Well, I do know, but it's completely selfish and unfair so I also know that I can't expect it. I want him to be my full time boyfriend but I want to be able to see others on the side. I even want HIM to be able to see others on the side, I just want him at my beck and call even with other girls around.
It's all so complicated. Everything we've been through since our "break" earlier in the summer was supposed to give me some sort of clear sign. But I'm getting NOTHING.
All right. I'm cool.
First of all, I have absolutely NO money and no motivation to get a job. I know that the money I'll be making at school is actually NADA in the end, and everything I made over the summer is pretty much gone. I try not to think about it that much. But at some point, it's going to bite me in the ass.
Had a party last night and, honestly, I'm not cut out for parties. I had a good time until the cops showed up and I got nominated to be the house speaker. So he took MY name and driver's license number because I was the least drunk. What sense does that make? So then I got grumpy and paranoid. I don't really feel like getting a fine or having to go to court...or jail for that matter. I tried to go to bed, then got a little booty, then tried to go to bed again. People seem a lot louder when you're desperate for them to be quiet...
Things with the bf have been rough lately. He blows me off a lot trying to get the full college experience. The thing that kills me is that he KNEW I'd expect certain things if he came to school with me. It was hard enough being long distance these last two and a half years. Now we're together and I feel like I see/talk to him less than I have in ages. Our big "talks" go in circles because he can't seem to decide if he wants to be committed or not. If I'm the one that suggests we take a break and see other people, he acts hurt and untrusting. But if HE suggests it, he acts like I'm supposed to be completely understanding. So we just go back and forth. I'm not even sure what I want. Well, I do know, but it's completely selfish and unfair so I also know that I can't expect it. I want him to be my full time boyfriend but I want to be able to see others on the side. I even want HIM to be able to see others on the side, I just want him at my beck and call even with other girls around.
It's all so complicated. Everything we've been through since our "break" earlier in the summer was supposed to give me some sort of clear sign. But I'm getting NOTHING.
All right. I'm cool.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
*hugs* I hope things work out one way or another and at least stop causing you stress...
xoxo,
j
ps--good luck with the boyfriend thing...like Jayde i don't have the best relationship advice...so here's me crossing my fingers for you...**crosses toes instead**..shit see i can't do anything right...