I Have a Proposition For Everyone in the Whole World
I have a proposition for you: this is how I begin sentences when I'm still not convinced of the legitimacy of what I'm about to propose. The secret is out! If you hear me say this, get ready to start poking holes in the argument I'm about to make. Sometimes, I use the word 20 times a day, sometimes only on special occasions. Here are two examples:
One time, I was in Vegas, betting large and minding my own business. Up walks this dude who looks just like Woody from Cheers, and a very sexified young lady who would clearly look great in oversized silicone mountains. Anyhow, these two are not nearly as rich as me (which you can tell by the fact that I'm wearing a tuxedo without having just attended a wedding), and look like the kind of dime-a-dozen innocents who will be the perfect pawns for some sick mind game orchestrated by me. Also, I might get some ass out of it, or at least head. Sooo, I decide to throw my chips on the table, as it were, and I make an Indecent Proposal. Well, they agree! And it only cost me a million bucks! For sex one time! Amazing right?
One time I was in love. She was a child and I was a child, and all that jazz. So I'm all ready to get down on one knee and propose as the shark comes out of the water on the JAWS ride at Universal Studios, and one quick comment from me causes this weight conscious young lady to swim herself to death in a pool. Well, the girl gets pissed and calls off the trip and breaks up with me. Then, she agrees to go on her asshole father's dating show, ostensibly to piss me off. Anyway, I convince these two stoners I know and some guy who looks like that guy Earl from TV to help me fuck everything up. In the end, because I'm so good of heart, and am friends with so many deviants, I triumph. Ain't love grand?
So. Here's what I propose. If your phone rings, it's after 10pm EST, my number pops up, and you don't want to hear me talking about how much I love you, the sounds of a city bus and two dudes I know, or any of a thousand possible hairbrained propositions, screen me. I'll leave a message, and probably this is the best way to go anyway, because then you can save it for posterity. Lilyk is wishing she never gave me her number right now, but she only has one kidney, so she should be psyched!
In conclusion, I propose that in return for my apology for the drunken drunk dials, you promise to consider this a one time BINDING apology that covers all future drunk dials. Kinda like a channeling injunction (hey TangledUpInBlue, did I spell that right?) that absolves me, as the sober estate for drunk numbers, from all liability arising after this date. Deal? Come on! Agree! I said propose and everything!
I have a proposition for you: this is how I begin sentences when I'm still not convinced of the legitimacy of what I'm about to propose. The secret is out! If you hear me say this, get ready to start poking holes in the argument I'm about to make. Sometimes, I use the word 20 times a day, sometimes only on special occasions. Here are two examples:
One time, I was in Vegas, betting large and minding my own business. Up walks this dude who looks just like Woody from Cheers, and a very sexified young lady who would clearly look great in oversized silicone mountains. Anyhow, these two are not nearly as rich as me (which you can tell by the fact that I'm wearing a tuxedo without having just attended a wedding), and look like the kind of dime-a-dozen innocents who will be the perfect pawns for some sick mind game orchestrated by me. Also, I might get some ass out of it, or at least head. Sooo, I decide to throw my chips on the table, as it were, and I make an Indecent Proposal. Well, they agree! And it only cost me a million bucks! For sex one time! Amazing right?
One time I was in love. She was a child and I was a child, and all that jazz. So I'm all ready to get down on one knee and propose as the shark comes out of the water on the JAWS ride at Universal Studios, and one quick comment from me causes this weight conscious young lady to swim herself to death in a pool. Well, the girl gets pissed and calls off the trip and breaks up with me. Then, she agrees to go on her asshole father's dating show, ostensibly to piss me off. Anyway, I convince these two stoners I know and some guy who looks like that guy Earl from TV to help me fuck everything up. In the end, because I'm so good of heart, and am friends with so many deviants, I triumph. Ain't love grand?
So. Here's what I propose. If your phone rings, it's after 10pm EST, my number pops up, and you don't want to hear me talking about how much I love you, the sounds of a city bus and two dudes I know, or any of a thousand possible hairbrained propositions, screen me. I'll leave a message, and probably this is the best way to go anyway, because then you can save it for posterity. Lilyk is wishing she never gave me her number right now, but she only has one kidney, so she should be psyched!
In conclusion, I propose that in return for my apology for the drunken drunk dials, you promise to consider this a one time BINDING apology that covers all future drunk dials. Kinda like a channeling injunction (hey TangledUpInBlue, did I spell that right?) that absolves me, as the sober estate for drunk numbers, from all liability arising after this date. Deal? Come on! Agree! I said propose and everything!
VIEW 25 of 55 COMMENTS
thanks for not telling me, tard. I've been checking USPS.com for tracking info, everyday obsessively, especially after knowing people like velvet got theirs a loooonnnng time ago.