Underground Wrecking Ball
or: numbers Has a Subway Problem
by: numbers
My name is numbers, and I have a subway problem. I know what's coming, always do. I know that when the doors close, approximately 7 seconds later the subway will lurch forward before smoothly rolling to the next stop. I know that right before you get to Grand Central on the 4,5,6 there is a dramatic curve. I know that even though I'm tall enough to comfortably hold the ceiling of the train for support, the physics simply don't work. I know these things. Yet I continue to nearly crush my fellow passengers to death on a monthly basis.
This morning I was in a haze. I was only two sips into my morning coffee, and I was listening to Godspeed You Black Emperor, which is very distracting. So, I board the subway going the wrong way and am forced to get off at Delancy and run up the stairs and over to get an uptown train. I board a packed car just before the door closes and people systematically block off all available handholds. The subway lurches forward and I fire my arm out to grab the ceiling. But I grab one of those advertisements instead, and it doesn't have a protective plastic covering on it. So, of course, I tear it off the wall and fly backwards into several people. I heard some muffled grunts as I slammed into them. I said "excuse me" and then started laughing. Because it was funny as hell, and everyone else on the car was already doing it, so I didn't want to feel left out
A couple of years ago, while arriving at the GCS stop on the 4 train something similar happened. I was standing by myself at the back of the train and we hit that curve. I grabbed the pole to steady myself at the last minute, and instead of making it better, it made it much much worse. Instead of me stumbling sideways for one step and looking like a jackass, my grip on the pole combined with inertia and poor footing sends me spinning around the pole like a huge stripper. Huge stripper. You wanna talk centrifugal force? If there had been anyone within five feet of that pole, they would have been sent flying. Seriously, it would have been devastating.
Anyway, I've decided to become a more conscientious strap-hanger. 'Cause that's how I roll.
or: numbers Has a Subway Problem
by: numbers
My name is numbers, and I have a subway problem. I know what's coming, always do. I know that when the doors close, approximately 7 seconds later the subway will lurch forward before smoothly rolling to the next stop. I know that right before you get to Grand Central on the 4,5,6 there is a dramatic curve. I know that even though I'm tall enough to comfortably hold the ceiling of the train for support, the physics simply don't work. I know these things. Yet I continue to nearly crush my fellow passengers to death on a monthly basis.
This morning I was in a haze. I was only two sips into my morning coffee, and I was listening to Godspeed You Black Emperor, which is very distracting. So, I board the subway going the wrong way and am forced to get off at Delancy and run up the stairs and over to get an uptown train. I board a packed car just before the door closes and people systematically block off all available handholds. The subway lurches forward and I fire my arm out to grab the ceiling. But I grab one of those advertisements instead, and it doesn't have a protective plastic covering on it. So, of course, I tear it off the wall and fly backwards into several people. I heard some muffled grunts as I slammed into them. I said "excuse me" and then started laughing. Because it was funny as hell, and everyone else on the car was already doing it, so I didn't want to feel left out
A couple of years ago, while arriving at the GCS stop on the 4 train something similar happened. I was standing by myself at the back of the train and we hit that curve. I grabbed the pole to steady myself at the last minute, and instead of making it better, it made it much much worse. Instead of me stumbling sideways for one step and looking like a jackass, my grip on the pole combined with inertia and poor footing sends me spinning around the pole like a huge stripper. Huge stripper. You wanna talk centrifugal force? If there had been anyone within five feet of that pole, they would have been sent flying. Seriously, it would have been devastating.
Anyway, I've decided to become a more conscientious strap-hanger. 'Cause that's how I roll.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
lilyk:
i am sad. the testimonial you left me has been bumped ot the second page. how lazy am i that one extra click makes me sad?
lilyk:
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
