I think I came to another self realization today.
I've never had strong bonds to friends, I'm very quick to turn by back and say fuck you or fuck off.
Back when I was a kid I had two friends in my neighborhood. One of my friends decided he didn't want to hang out with me, so the other one wouldn't either. This was the start of the rejection, they weren't the first, or the second but a long line of children that wouldn't play with me because I either would win all the time at games and that pissed them off, or because that one guy out of ten didn't like me and spread it around.
I had one friend during that period of time I really liked a lot, and he liked me, he moved away.
Then I started hanging out with the kid that said fuck you to the world, the one that punched that childhood friend in the lip that told my other friend not to hang out with me originally. I envied his attitude, adopted it. That's right, fuck you all, and eventually I told that friend that I didn't want to hang out with him, learned really well that I didn't need anyone.
I've always had this attraction, people like me, they come around all the time, it takes a tough person to keep coming back when I tell them to fuck off repeatedly. I have a few tough friends, they taught me to be a friend.
I'm sure these friends what few I have will eventually leave the next time i tell them to fuck off though.
And if anybody says they don't like me I've learned to punch back, learned that from a mexican guy that would punch me repeatedly, learned that from a tall blond guy that enjoyed shoving me around. I punched back, I shoved back, I earned their respect. Lots of other people punched me after that, and wondered why I wouldn't hit back, it was because they hit weak, it didn't leave a bruise and I felt sorry for them.... If it hurts, I'll hurt back though.
Everyone is all grown up now, but that little child is still inside them that wants to punch, and that little child is still inside me that says, go ahead and punch, you may not like what happens afterwards, because being punched feels good to me now... And so does the game afterwards where I manipulate their surroundings into hell.
I've never had strong bonds to friends, I'm very quick to turn by back and say fuck you or fuck off.
Back when I was a kid I had two friends in my neighborhood. One of my friends decided he didn't want to hang out with me, so the other one wouldn't either. This was the start of the rejection, they weren't the first, or the second but a long line of children that wouldn't play with me because I either would win all the time at games and that pissed them off, or because that one guy out of ten didn't like me and spread it around.
I had one friend during that period of time I really liked a lot, and he liked me, he moved away.
Then I started hanging out with the kid that said fuck you to the world, the one that punched that childhood friend in the lip that told my other friend not to hang out with me originally. I envied his attitude, adopted it. That's right, fuck you all, and eventually I told that friend that I didn't want to hang out with him, learned really well that I didn't need anyone.
I've always had this attraction, people like me, they come around all the time, it takes a tough person to keep coming back when I tell them to fuck off repeatedly. I have a few tough friends, they taught me to be a friend.
I'm sure these friends what few I have will eventually leave the next time i tell them to fuck off though.
And if anybody says they don't like me I've learned to punch back, learned that from a mexican guy that would punch me repeatedly, learned that from a tall blond guy that enjoyed shoving me around. I punched back, I shoved back, I earned their respect. Lots of other people punched me after that, and wondered why I wouldn't hit back, it was because they hit weak, it didn't leave a bruise and I felt sorry for them.... If it hurts, I'll hurt back though.
Everyone is all grown up now, but that little child is still inside them that wants to punch, and that little child is still inside me that says, go ahead and punch, you may not like what happens afterwards, because being punched feels good to me now... And so does the game afterwards where I manipulate their surroundings into hell.