I'm spry again, not sure what this means, probably more heartake and despair. I can't fathom how I got to this point and why. I look forward to, and see, only my own ruin but I feel compelled to go on, to seek out what is at the end, perhaps I wish to hurt again.

But in the end if I do end up damaging more then I would have wished I plan on going away, far far away.. This place has been a burden, and I hope to find less of a burden on the other side... If not I can always drown in a sea of verboten . But I can't see that happening... I've gone too far from the fold so to speak, why would I?

Unless, there really was nothing left and nothing forward, and even then I could find a much more pleasurable defeat at the smell of gunpowder and blood, at the hand of someones enemy.