I spent a lot of money this weekend--say...50 times what I spend in a normal weekend. Now I'm sitting here listening to Echo and the Bunnymen and desperately hoping I'll sleep soon.
I've been on the edge of a panic attack for about five hours now. I really don't like spending money, and this isn't a necessity. That said, a very astute observer said that even if I had terminal cancer and what I purchased would cure it, I would still find a way to invalidate the worth of the purchase.
I've tried every bit of sophistry in my impressive arsenal, and now I'm left to hope that daylight makes things seem less terrifying.
Under that, there is a current of purest anger. Anger at myself for not being able to put the brakes on a runaway process. Anger at wanting something but fearing to allocate the necessary resources. Anger at being trapped in a situation of my own devising that has no happy out.
Anyone that knows me also knows that beneath all that there is a small amount of detached amusement. Someday, I'll find this funny.
I await the dawn.
I've been on the edge of a panic attack for about five hours now. I really don't like spending money, and this isn't a necessity. That said, a very astute observer said that even if I had terminal cancer and what I purchased would cure it, I would still find a way to invalidate the worth of the purchase.
I've tried every bit of sophistry in my impressive arsenal, and now I'm left to hope that daylight makes things seem less terrifying.
Under that, there is a current of purest anger. Anger at myself for not being able to put the brakes on a runaway process. Anger at wanting something but fearing to allocate the necessary resources. Anger at being trapped in a situation of my own devising that has no happy out.
Anyone that knows me also knows that beneath all that there is a small amount of detached amusement. Someday, I'll find this funny.
I await the dawn.