There came a moment today. One of those moments that just stands out. I was wearing my new Professor Zoom t-hsirt, a pair of jeans, and a new pair of yellow and black Kill Bill Asics Tigers. Maybe a foot in front of me was a girl with some heavy sleeve work and basketball-sized fake boobs. She was dancing arrhythmically to Danzig's "Mother". I looked down for a second to cut a piece of my oddly-decent five-dollar steak. When I looked up, she was looking at me over one of her badly-extended black-and-blond pigtails and pulling her Superman Underoos down to reveal a female piercing that even I didn't know the name for (which I now know to be a fourchette).

I popped the bite of steak in my mouth and considered for a second. In the past twenty-four hours, I'd travelled to Portland, met up with my childhood best friend who I hadn't seen in four years, had a nice dinner at Ruth's Chris, gone drinking, taken a tech support call while getting a lap dance ("I'm in a strip club in Portland with a girl with the most adorable freckles squirming in my lap. Can this wait until Monday?"), had the same stripper ask me if I wanted to get coffee or something when she got off her shift, declined her offer as politely as possible, staggered into the hotel at two in the morning, risen early to take the car for some hoonage in empty parking lots, taken the GMAT in about half the normal amount of time, scored in the 99 percentile for that self-same test, finished my MBA application, and fallen in love with Portland's Nob Hill while shopping there.

Mulling all the over, I thought, "My life is a cartoon." Then I took another sip of my bourbon.