nuclearpretzel

So, I often kinda get the feeling I'm almost leading a double life. Like, basically...I'm pretty laid back and libertarian (and bisexual), and yet my major is engineering and in general....well...engineers tend to be a little up tight (on issues other than drinking...most engineers drink like fish). Not to mention I write poetry and hang out with artists and punk kids all day. So I put on this pseudo-conservative face when I go to class or work in the lab. And it's getting to the point where I've got a fair number of pretty good friends who only really know me like that. I've got a group of friends who are totally awesome...except (one more than the others) they're kinda homophobic and punkaphobic...like alternative lifestylish anything kinda frightens them. It sounds stupid, like...unless you know them it's just like, "Well, shit dude get some friends who aren't dicks." but it's not that simple. I have to see these guys every day anyway, and in all other respects I like them. They're funny, they're good to just hang out with and have fun, drink a rum'n'coke and play fussball. But I've still gotta hide like half my personality from most of them. It's so weird. It kinda sucks and I wish I could stop now. But I mean, having Hannah, it's not really necessary to go through the bullshit of trying to come out to them as bisexual...why bother when I'll never have to. And really that's not it...just my whole poetic/artistic/punk side I fear would be just lost on them, so I hide it. It's not their fault... there's some sort of correllation it seems with being somewhat socially conservative and really good at math/physics.

Fuck, I don't know. I probably think too much. Damn psych minor is getting to me. hahaha. *smacks forehead*

Oh well.

Matt