notjason

I keep meaning to get more involved with the online community aspect of this site, but I find myself completely unable. It's odd. I used to be so good at the whole eRelationship thing. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm fast becoming a recluse. The longer I am apart from heavy socialization, the harder it becomes to get back into it. I've been working night shifts for the past several months, and my exposure to people that I'd want to consider friends has dropped considerably. I see plenty of people, yes, but they aren't my friends. They are dipshit college students, which is a demographic that I no longer feel any connection with, as well as a demographic I'm consistently disgusted by. It makes me sick to even consider being amongst their ranks. I feel more connected to the morning people, a crowd largely composed of adults over thirty years old on their way to crummy jobs. They are decent people. The fact that I'd rather be like them than be like my own peers is troubling. So I don't really know how to talk to people in a way that would further a relationship. In most cases I don't see the point. Every few weekends at my apartment there is some variety of small drunken party, and I usually retreat to my room to avoid it. It's beyond a lack of interest. I have contempt for their lifestyle. I want nothing to do with it. I'm not sure what I do want, but it's not the reckless, pointless behavior that is exhibited by my friends. I like these people and I envy the stage of their life they are at. I'm the same age as them, roughly, and I feel like I'm a decade away from them. All this talk of superiority, but I'm much less content than they seem to be, even if their partying is more accurately group masochism.

What the hell was it that I started out talking about?

I want to write songs.