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northsider

Chicago

Member Since 2004

Followers 40 Following 47

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Sunday May 22, 2005

May 22, 2005
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Foaming At The Mouth

Testicular Virility!!

Several days late than the last post. The phone call from Tues. turned out to be a real big thing but I'll get into that soon. For the meantime my focus is something I saw in the local papers. Chicago politics are considered a blood sport. No quarter is given and none asked. The current governor of the state is a ferrety-looking character named Blagojevich ('bla-GOY-yah-vitch'). He wouldn't have had a chance in hell except for being the in-law of a longtime Chicago politician. He turned that tenuous connection into a political career that led him to head of the state.

Now he's been in trouble from day one and his feud with his brother-in-law has been news fodder all the way. Last week El Gobernador made a splash. He insisted that he was right and that he would have folded against his political rivals were it not for his TESTICULAR VIRILITY! I'm not making that up. He actually used that phrase to describe how he withstood his political enemies.

Oh how I wish Mike Royko were alive for this. I have no political ambitions (my election platforms would include lowering the age of consent to fifteen, death penalty for the homeless, a blanket speak-english-or-die treatment of immigrants, and the less said about my foreign policy the better) but I shall always hang onto the idea of reassuring my doubters and naysayers that they'd do well to avoid incurring my wrath on account of my superior testicular virility. Furthermore, though I, Alex, may be beset by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I can always reassure those who care about me that I shall prevail because of my testecular virility! My more feminine acquantances may falter by the wayside, but I know my outsized gonads will carry the day. I urge the rest of you to get a lot of Vitamin B to shore up any deficiencies you may have.

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