Foaming At The Mouth
Passing The Torch
This much I know is true: As I begin writing it is 8:17PM Central time and I've had more good laughs out of the first two acts of Family Guy than I did out of two new episodes of The Simpsons. Nothing will ever change just how good 'Simpsons' was at its height, but there's a new sheriff in town. Yeah, I'm just saying what a lot of people knew three, four years ago. But tonight to have a side-by-side comparison on new episodes of both Simpsons and Family Guy just cuts off any debate amongst people like myself and others with far too much time on their hands. It was like seeing Allen Iverson crossover Jordan during his last season with the Wizards. You knew one was on the downslope, but highlights from the good old days made you think you'd never see this day come.
To be fair, the plots on both Simpsons episodes were as good as stuff from eight to ten years ago, but the real edge comes from the little throwaway gags surrounding the action. 'The Simpsons' used the rule the roost in that but Family Guy has now raised them to Monty Python levels of absurdity. You know, the kind of gags that Conan O'Brien does on his show now that he doesn't write for 'The Simpsons' anymore?
Don't Do The Crime If You Can't Do The Time
So the other day I got all gussied up for my day in court. ('Mail Fraud'? What the Hell's that suppsed to mean? Like I've been counterfeiting postage stamps or something? ) Oh, it was just traffic court but that counts as quite an excursion for me these days. Plus, I knew I was gonna beat the case so it was easy. I probably didn't even need to put on a shirt and tie either. In fact, I became sure of it after I got there and saw what most of my fellow scofflaws were wearing. I'm sure that in deference to the rule of law they were actually wearing their good hoodie sweatshirts and blue jeans. (My birthday isn't for a few weeks, do I sound like a old fogey yet?) Still, here I was half expecting that if someone asked I would come up with some lame crap about 'a meeting' or 'an interview' rather than say I got dressed to the teeth for the forty-five seconds it would take for the prosecutor to ask for my case to be dismissed and me to get my AAA bond card back.
Anyways, I told you all that to tell you this. They let us into the courtroom to check in before the cases were called and they have the standard issue wooden benches as expected in the courtroom gallery. As I go to sit down, I see that they are covered with all manner of graffiti carved into the wood. A fair amount are gang tags and symbols etched in by true gangbangers and punk wannabes alike. Clearly, this is how you show that you're hardcore -- take a chance on getting busted for vandalism in the courtroom. You're stuck waiting to tell the judge how the paraphernalia found in your backpack was left there by your cousin, you were out after curfew just to go to the store for baby formula, and the only reason you spat at the police officer was 'cause he was disrespectin' you. You've got to sit through at least three other juvenile-tried-as-an-adult busts before your own so you might as well represent your crew with Star of David hastily gouged into the woodwork with your car keys.
To be fair, if I had been stuck there any length of time I may have come up with gang tags of my own (INSANE BOOZEHOUND NATION!) and tried my unsteady hand at courtroom scrimshaw. Luckily my case was called quickly. I beat the rap to continue over a quarter-century of undetected crime. I went back to the house and celebrated with a pint of cheap vodka. Let the good times roll.
Passing The Torch
This much I know is true: As I begin writing it is 8:17PM Central time and I've had more good laughs out of the first two acts of Family Guy than I did out of two new episodes of The Simpsons. Nothing will ever change just how good 'Simpsons' was at its height, but there's a new sheriff in town. Yeah, I'm just saying what a lot of people knew three, four years ago. But tonight to have a side-by-side comparison on new episodes of both Simpsons and Family Guy just cuts off any debate amongst people like myself and others with far too much time on their hands. It was like seeing Allen Iverson crossover Jordan during his last season with the Wizards. You knew one was on the downslope, but highlights from the good old days made you think you'd never see this day come.
To be fair, the plots on both Simpsons episodes were as good as stuff from eight to ten years ago, but the real edge comes from the little throwaway gags surrounding the action. 'The Simpsons' used the rule the roost in that but Family Guy has now raised them to Monty Python levels of absurdity. You know, the kind of gags that Conan O'Brien does on his show now that he doesn't write for 'The Simpsons' anymore?
Don't Do The Crime If You Can't Do The Time
So the other day I got all gussied up for my day in court. ('Mail Fraud'? What the Hell's that suppsed to mean? Like I've been counterfeiting postage stamps or something? ) Oh, it was just traffic court but that counts as quite an excursion for me these days. Plus, I knew I was gonna beat the case so it was easy. I probably didn't even need to put on a shirt and tie either. In fact, I became sure of it after I got there and saw what most of my fellow scofflaws were wearing. I'm sure that in deference to the rule of law they were actually wearing their good hoodie sweatshirts and blue jeans. (My birthday isn't for a few weeks, do I sound like a old fogey yet?) Still, here I was half expecting that if someone asked I would come up with some lame crap about 'a meeting' or 'an interview' rather than say I got dressed to the teeth for the forty-five seconds it would take for the prosecutor to ask for my case to be dismissed and me to get my AAA bond card back.
Anyways, I told you all that to tell you this. They let us into the courtroom to check in before the cases were called and they have the standard issue wooden benches as expected in the courtroom gallery. As I go to sit down, I see that they are covered with all manner of graffiti carved into the wood. A fair amount are gang tags and symbols etched in by true gangbangers and punk wannabes alike. Clearly, this is how you show that you're hardcore -- take a chance on getting busted for vandalism in the courtroom. You're stuck waiting to tell the judge how the paraphernalia found in your backpack was left there by your cousin, you were out after curfew just to go to the store for baby formula, and the only reason you spat at the police officer was 'cause he was disrespectin' you. You've got to sit through at least three other juvenile-tried-as-an-adult busts before your own so you might as well represent your crew with Star of David hastily gouged into the woodwork with your car keys.
To be fair, if I had been stuck there any length of time I may have come up with gang tags of my own (INSANE BOOZEHOUND NATION!) and tried my unsteady hand at courtroom scrimshaw. Luckily my case was called quickly. I beat the rap to continue over a quarter-century of undetected crime. I went back to the house and celebrated with a pint of cheap vodka. Let the good times roll.