northsider

Foaming At The Mouth

The Downward Spiral -- Part 2

So this afternoon I emerged from a three-day bender. The long weekend sort of screwed me up a little in terms of getting back to my healthy patterns of food and exercise. But I'm not gonna try to kid myself, that was just like an crazy, out-of-nowhere binge. It was only with intense concentration that I could recall anything from Monday night or most of Tuesday.

P.J. O'Rourke has done some good writing about going off on a bender (and let me say, no one is happier than I that the term 'bender' has endured to denote an extended drinking spell, with all the connotations of low debauchery) so there isn't much that I could add to the mix. What I notice most is the sort of dopamine-producing behavior I start getting into. Not just the drinking of super-cheap vodka, but the mass consumption of cheese and other foods containing cheese product, and frantic, almost compulsive masturbating.

Fortunately, I'm running out of cash so I won't be able to buy booze and junk food. (As far as the other is concerned, well, I'm getting to the age where most of my dirty fantasies are repeats and the dirty memories are pretty old) I mean, I love drinking but being intoxicated a lot gets to be problematic. Hangovers, weight gain, and in social situations I can become my own worst enemy with whatever I blurt out that seems clever at the time. Plus the disruptions on my sleep schedule make things unpleasant.

So I'm gonna be happy to get back to living the clean life. Looking back, all this could sound like it's pretty unpleasant, but in truth it's no worse than a bad cold. It comes, it goes, and I don't have to worry about it again for some time. Things could be worse, and if I really start to put on weight, that'll generally be enough to spur me into not putting so much trash into my face. Until that time, I shall abide. Stay classy, people.