normajeane

Hmm.... so it's been a few days (9 actually) since I last wrote an entry. And today is one of those "I'm-pissed-off-at-the-world-&-don't-know-what-to-do-w/myself-days". We all get them, I'm sure. But it's on these days when we seem to think no one else can possibly be having a worse day. Which I know is not true. Because my "bad" day is simply me being stupid. It's like I woke up this morning & decided that no matter what I just would not let today be good. Which is not the case. But I might as well have, b/c that's what it's like. Jason tried hard at work to get me to smile, and to make me feel better -- and the thing is, that made me feel great. But I guess I didn't think I should be feeling great, so I just kept being pissy. And there were a couple of things bothering me (regarding him) but they were trivial, and not worth the hell I put him thru today. So, now he has given up, and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't talk to me ever again. Or at least for today. And I don't blame him.

I think I'm a lost cause today. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm horny. I'm alone. I'm depressed. I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm a little of everything. And the thing is, I have NO IDEA why. Therefore, I have NO IDEA what I can do to make everything better!!! It's a vicious cycle, don't you agree?

So, perhaps this has helped some. If anything, it sure as hell has confused me a little. Maybe confusion will help. Or just make my stupid-"bad"-day even stupider & badder (notice I am speaking like a 2-year-old... that's how low I have made myself today).

So, I'm hoping after a much-needed, well-deserved nap & maybe a little food, and hopefully some good dreams... and then a night out (or couple hours, since I have to work at 4am) with my friends from work... maybe, just maybe, I'll give in and allow myself to have a decent day.





P.S. Sorry I've been so grouchy to you today, Jason...