Thanksgiving is coming. What a great day.
A long time ago, we sailed our ships across the ocean. We landed on a strange shore and started a new life. Or we tried to start a new life. But, because we suck, or maybe because our cobble-stoned brain cells were too bumpy to deal with basic human skills.....we couldn't figure out how to keep food on our tables. No survival skills! This was years and years before "Survivor, Borneo." ---- When it all came together.
Then, along came some half-naked forest saviors with all sorts of farming techniques and nifty talents. They taught us how to plant and grow maize (which we now call 'corn' --- something annoying you might find on the bottom of an unattractive foot.) And they taught us how to hunt fowl and deer. They taught us age-tested ways of building shelter and making the most of the land. They showed us the secrets of their forests and the spirit of a world lived naturally. They celebrated together with us for a three day festival of eat and drink and dance!
And in return for their life-giving help?:
- We sexually mutilated their women and diseased them irreparably with our syphilis-littered-spooge
- We cut up their land and dumped whole populations of them in reservations of our specification
- We mocked their ageless traditions by forcing our western biblical ideas on them like so much ideological ipecac
- And, of course, we genocidally reduced their population by exponentially ridiculous numbers over an unprecedented four centuries
And now their former existence is almost erased. Let us be Thankful. Amen.
Let's eat turkey and stuffing and sweet potatoes and get belt-busting FAT!
A long time ago, we sailed our ships across the ocean. We landed on a strange shore and started a new life. Or we tried to start a new life. But, because we suck, or maybe because our cobble-stoned brain cells were too bumpy to deal with basic human skills.....we couldn't figure out how to keep food on our tables. No survival skills! This was years and years before "Survivor, Borneo." ---- When it all came together.
Then, along came some half-naked forest saviors with all sorts of farming techniques and nifty talents. They taught us how to plant and grow maize (which we now call 'corn' --- something annoying you might find on the bottom of an unattractive foot.) And they taught us how to hunt fowl and deer. They taught us age-tested ways of building shelter and making the most of the land. They showed us the secrets of their forests and the spirit of a world lived naturally. They celebrated together with us for a three day festival of eat and drink and dance!
And in return for their life-giving help?:
- We sexually mutilated their women and diseased them irreparably with our syphilis-littered-spooge
- We cut up their land and dumped whole populations of them in reservations of our specification
- We mocked their ageless traditions by forcing our western biblical ideas on them like so much ideological ipecac
- And, of course, we genocidally reduced their population by exponentially ridiculous numbers over an unprecedented four centuries
And now their former existence is almost erased. Let us be Thankful. Amen.
Let's eat turkey and stuffing and sweet potatoes and get belt-busting FAT!