noreins

Who needs enemies when you have family? Apprently family are the ones who know everything about you just so they can tear you down...well maybe just in my family that's what it means.

Luckily I didn't have my boys here tonight because after dealing with my fucking family all day I had enough. So at 10pm I left, started walking. I walked from one end of the town to the next, until I found my way back home. I thought about calling someone, but I realized tonight that I don't have anyone I feel close enough to call or text in this type of situation. Then it dawned on me that I don't let people in...and I blame my family for that. I can't get vulnerable with anyone because it's just one other person that could use it against me, one other person tearing me down. Since my family does so well at it I don't need it from anyone else.

Ugh...looking at apartments tomorrow. I might have to put off school and get a different job that I completely hate but I need out of this house and I need to cut all ties so hopefully things can be different. But that means different cell phone plan, I have to get my own car...pretty much my own everything. It will suck but what else can I do...I don't have anyone else to depend on it's just me...me and my boys.