noreins

So today started off kind of rough for me. My monster didn't want to sleep last night, he was up almost every hour whimpering. Two different times he had me lay in his itty bitty toddler bed with him. At 5 this morning he woke up and asked if we could go downstairs and play, I told him to go back to bed and we would play later. Finally he was sleeping, I just got back to bed and starting to get comfortable and drift off into sleep when I hear a knocking on my door. It is now 7:30 and my brother comes in to ask if I would give my mom a ride to work...something he was suppose to do. He kept telling me how he was tired and hung over because he was out partying until 4 this morning. I told him that I too was tired because I was up most of the night with my son and that I couldn't leave him there alone with no one listening for him. My brother then proceeds to cuss me out telling me how inconsiderate I am and all that. So my mom needs to get to work and she told my brother to listen for my son while I took her to work. IT IS BULLSHIT! I'm tired of my family being enablers to him. Giving into him because they don't want an argument, but I get stuck doing his responsibilities. I have a child to look after, plus I have school and a part time job...guess what he does...nothing. He sits at home sleeps all day, collects unemployment and drinks. He is two years older than me, grow the fuck up and act like it.

Let's see I'm in a very annoyed mood today. I haven't really talked to anyone and I have been pushing the people that talk to me at school away. In a way I've been pushing my closer friends away as well. After the whole ditching me incident I was fed up. I needed that night to talk and I got left with nothing. So I don't feel as if they hold our friendship to the level I did so I'm just not going to go to them for help with my decisions or troubles. Hell, SG knows more about me and how I'm feeling and where I stand with everything than the people I talk to everyday. Also, I am planning on leaving for the Guard within a few months and they are going off to college, I guess I just don't see the point in continuing to be close when we won't keep contact after I leave. I know they say they want to, but I'm going to be doing things they won't even be able to imagine...they are going to be complaining about classes and homework while I will be physically and mentally tested daily and not having to see my son. I by no means think I am better than any of them but I do think they don't give me enough credit for everything I am trying to accomplish or they just simply don't understand...but they aren't trying to understand it. I've realized for the most part I'm in this on my own, I will go into it on my own and I will come out of it on my own.

So I thought instead of writing about the same stuff that I have been writing about lately I would tell everyone a little bit more about myself from what you may not know:
-I'm addicted to Pepsi, I drink anywhere between 2-6 cans a day.
-I wanted to be a ballerina when I was little, I still do but I don't have the money or time to dedicate to it.
-I use to write poetry, I haven't in a few years. It saddens me but every time I try to write again I can't.
-When I go shopping I usually look for jeans and shoes, neither of which I need.
-I could live off of Mac and Cheese for the rest of my life.
-My parents expect more of me, but will be disappointed once I tell them the news of joining the guard. They want me to grow up but in the way they want me to.
-My parents hate everything about my tattoos and piercings. They will hate when I get more.
-I am terrible at saving money, mostly because I have to live paycheck to paycheck to afford daycare and gas.
-I have dreams of being a teacher, a writer, and a dancer.
-I want to be one of those inspirational teachers, the kind you see that they make movies about. I want to make the difference in my students lives.
-I have never heard anyone tell me they were proud of me.
-I have committment and trust issues.
-The two boys I told I love, I still love them to this day. Ironically they share the same name.
-My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would hate to see how my life would have turned out if I had not had him.
-SG has made me a more confident and happier person, I've accepted myself more.
-I regret few things, but the ones that I do are life changing.
-I try to find the positive in every situation.

Hmmm I think that is a good enough list for now...I'm sure to do another one sometime in the future. I hope everyone is having a fantastic day! And if you are having a not so great day as I am...just remember tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning