So today completely interesting and so completely pleasing.
Today my son's father; Danny, came over to bring me money that was left in his safe from a loan his parents co-signed for me over two years ago. It was only $17 but hey $17 I didn't have to begin with. So I took Shawn to daycare and asked him if he wanted me to swing by and get it but I don't know what he was doing but he told me he would run it by later when he was getting ready to leave town. (Which by the way he decided to do after I had asked him to take Shawn Saturday night so I could have a girl's night, so I wasn't to happy about that, but anyway...) So he told me he would be there at 1 in the afternoon, he showed up about 45 minutes later. So he finally shows up and hands me the money, I say thanks and turn my back on to go back upstairs, assuming he is going to leave. Well, he didn't in fact he grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. So I sat on the stairs and asked what he needed, he asked me if I still missed him. It took me by surprise, but I told him no, that I quit missing him a long time ago, which is true. He sat down next to me, and grab my hand and looked at me and told me that he still misses me. I wasn't expecting to feel the way I did, for almost three years now I've been wanting nothing more than to hear him say that. But, instead my reaction was laughter, I couldn't help it. I stood up and asked what the hell he meant by that. He asked me if I ever wanted to be a family, a real family with him and my son. I told him that it would make things easier if we were a happy family and that I use to want that but he messed that up. He repeated he missed me, I told him that I would be lying if I said I missed him, that I gave up on him some time ago and on top of everything else I had someone new in my life, and I really want to see where things with him ended up. He then asked me if I gave up on missing him for this new guy I'm talking to, I told him no that I gave up on him, when he gave up on me. And that this new guy that I'm talking to is amazing and deserves all of me, not just pieces.
It was really pleasing to be able to tell him exactly how I felt about him and ever wanting him back in my life. It sucked because I could see the pain on his face, and I still care about him and I always will but I can't sacrifice my happiness to please him. And I won't. I wouldn't even give him a hug when he left, he texted me about ten minutes later saying, "thanks for the memories, and don't worry I'll leave you alone and won't miss you." I replied with, "The memories are in the past, and thank you." For the first time in well the time I've known Danny, I actually feel like he isn't going to try and intrude on my life anymore, that he isn't going to try and find a way to control what I do and with whom anymore. I hope that he is done using our son to manipulate his way to controlling when I hang out and for how long.
The night ended well. Went to the local high school football game to watch my little sister dance at halftime. They did pretty good (although I must say it was tons better when I was on the squad :]) Shawn loved the commotion of the football game. And I got to hang out with Marissa and watch Gossip Girl. All in all a very productive and pleasant day.
Oh and I received a pretty great picture message today
Today my son's father; Danny, came over to bring me money that was left in his safe from a loan his parents co-signed for me over two years ago. It was only $17 but hey $17 I didn't have to begin with. So I took Shawn to daycare and asked him if he wanted me to swing by and get it but I don't know what he was doing but he told me he would run it by later when he was getting ready to leave town. (Which by the way he decided to do after I had asked him to take Shawn Saturday night so I could have a girl's night, so I wasn't to happy about that, but anyway...) So he told me he would be there at 1 in the afternoon, he showed up about 45 minutes later. So he finally shows up and hands me the money, I say thanks and turn my back on to go back upstairs, assuming he is going to leave. Well, he didn't in fact he grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. So I sat on the stairs and asked what he needed, he asked me if I still missed him. It took me by surprise, but I told him no, that I quit missing him a long time ago, which is true. He sat down next to me, and grab my hand and looked at me and told me that he still misses me. I wasn't expecting to feel the way I did, for almost three years now I've been wanting nothing more than to hear him say that. But, instead my reaction was laughter, I couldn't help it. I stood up and asked what the hell he meant by that. He asked me if I ever wanted to be a family, a real family with him and my son. I told him that it would make things easier if we were a happy family and that I use to want that but he messed that up. He repeated he missed me, I told him that I would be lying if I said I missed him, that I gave up on him some time ago and on top of everything else I had someone new in my life, and I really want to see where things with him ended up. He then asked me if I gave up on missing him for this new guy I'm talking to, I told him no that I gave up on him, when he gave up on me. And that this new guy that I'm talking to is amazing and deserves all of me, not just pieces.
It was really pleasing to be able to tell him exactly how I felt about him and ever wanting him back in my life. It sucked because I could see the pain on his face, and I still care about him and I always will but I can't sacrifice my happiness to please him. And I won't. I wouldn't even give him a hug when he left, he texted me about ten minutes later saying, "thanks for the memories, and don't worry I'll leave you alone and won't miss you." I replied with, "The memories are in the past, and thank you." For the first time in well the time I've known Danny, I actually feel like he isn't going to try and intrude on my life anymore, that he isn't going to try and find a way to control what I do and with whom anymore. I hope that he is done using our son to manipulate his way to controlling when I hang out and for how long.
The night ended well. Went to the local high school football game to watch my little sister dance at halftime. They did pretty good (although I must say it was tons better when I was on the squad :]) Shawn loved the commotion of the football game. And I got to hang out with Marissa and watch Gossip Girl. All in all a very productive and pleasant day.
Oh and I received a pretty great picture message today