nopantsdave

I got up to Saginaw on Wednesday and hung out with the family for awhile. We spent the whole day at the funeral home on Thursday. It was rough. I was struggling to be sad. I was very fucking far from close to my Grandma and the cousins on that side of the family were very close to her. They were constantly on the verge of tears and I have yet to cry. We had to stay there for six straight hours chatting with people that I didn't even know. It was horrible. I felt bad that I didn't feel bad, if that make any sense. Maybe I'm a shitty grandchild, but I just didn't feel sad. For one thing there's the fact that I wasn't close to her, for another she lived the last six years of her life in a nursing home and if I were her I would have wanted to die years ago so mostly I just felt happy for her that she didn't have to suffer anymore.

The funeral was today. I had to do a reading at the funeral. I read at my Grandpa's funeral last year and did well, so my family assumed I would read at this one. I didn't want to. I have no qualms about speaking in front of large groups, I just don't like reading Bible passages, dammit. I tried saying no, but then my Dad asked me to and since it was his Mom who had passed away it was hard for me to say no. So, I ended up doing it. It was painful for me though because the passage that was chosen for me was ridiculous.

After the funeral we all went to my parent's resraurant and had lunch. It was a better time than I expected, but that is mostly because I stuck by my sister and her boyfriend. Afterward I went over to the coffee shop and read for awhile. My best friend's sister showed up with one of her friends. I hung out with them for awhile. Then I went and had dinner with my parents. While I was at the coffee shop I realized I needed to get the fuck out of Saginaw. That city just kills my spirit, I hate it so much. I was just there last week and I am going back next week for Christmas. So, after dinner with my parents I headed home. I was going to leave tomorrow morning or afternoon, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I drove home tonight, not a bad drive home thankfully.

Once I got home I popped over to the bar for a couple of drinks. I got invited to the invitation-only Christmas party for the regulars....That actually made my fucking day. The bartender asked me what I was up to Sunday and when I said I had to work she seemed rather disappointed that I wouldn't be able to make it for the party, but I am going to sneak over for a brief appearance before work. I'm gonna get all ginned up and then got to work!

Tomorrow night is the SGKazoo Holiday Getogether. I have the day off. I am going to relax and sit around the house all day. Then I will probably go over to the bar for a drink sometime in the early afternoon. Then I will leave for G.R. sometime in the evening. It should be a good time. I am actually looking forward to a social event which is a rarity for me.

Anyway, it's off to bed with me for now....I am going to spend some time tomorrow on here catching up with everyone since I haven't been on much at all for the last week or so.