nonservium

It's such a sad old feeling,
the hills are soft and green.
It's memories that I'm stealing,
But you're innocent when you dream.

****************************************

God I am so fucking pissed right now. I scratched up my motorcycle on the way to work. I was late and in a rush, someone slammed on their breaks, and I overreacted with the rear break and put my bike into a skid. I'm pissed at her but mostly at myself for being so stupid and careless.

I am blinded by my rage. I want to cool down but don't know how. I wanted to go to First Thursday Art Walk but now I don't feel like I deserve it. I wanted to drive to Oregon this weekend but the bikes fucked up and I probably can't afford to now. There goes $400 I could have spent on something else.

I keep running through things in my head over and over again- reminding myself of all the ways I fucked up. I was agressive...I breaked too hard...I wasn't in proper riding position. When am I going to grow up and stop being so reckless with my property and my life? About the only thing I did right was wear my leathers and not get hurt.

Someone give me a hug and tell me everything is all right. Or just slap me hard. Either one will do.