nonservium

When we are kids our worlds are huge and our hearts are open. Stretch your arms way out wide- this big -that's how you live and love. And as you get older you slowly get knocked back inside yourself. You put up walls. Now bring your hands together- form a circle with your index fingers and thumbs -and pretty soon you live and love from the relatively safe confines of this little box.

Men have women to blame for this. Women have men to blame for this. Such a beautifully cruel love hate relationship.

I love women. (Well men too at times but it's not the same for me.) But now I am trying to remember the way I used to love them- before the heartbrake, before my fall from innocence, before the walls.

I often wonder if I was a better person back then- with my heart on my sleeve, so open and loving, so pure and innocent. Would the boy I was at 16, discovering my first love, recognize the man I've become at 23, struggling to remember true love?

*le sigh*


Mental Note: The boy knows too much...
Listening to: Dusty Brown - Volume One
Feeling: On top of the fucking world...