Human Instrumentality. The dissolution of the ego and a return to Oneness. The final evolution of humanity, a transcendence of corporeality, the disappearance of the individual, the state, and the universe. The end of separation and the realization of I Am.
How interesting.
Have finished watching Neon Genesis Evangelion and the End of Evangelion for the millionth time, I’m left feeling rather introspective. Evangelion didn’t change my life, per se, but it has played a prominent part in the background of my life over the past two decades, years that have witnessed an enormous transformation of who I know myself to be.
When I left the church, I left behind a very core part of my being. Up until the moment I walked away, my very identity was wrapped up in my belief system. I was nothing if I was not a part of that system. Walking away set me on a path to discover who I was, without the confines of religion to dictate to me what I was supposed to be. And though there are some teachings that remain with me to this day, I have come to recognize that the identity given to me by the church was at odds with who I really am. For decades I was told what my nature consisted of, and it’s taken decades to carve out the last vestiges of that indoctrination to uncover what truly lies within. What I’ve learned is something far different than what I was taught.
I spent years trying to fill the void that was left with something else, another belief system, validation, anything. I envied the ease
with which church goers could so easily give themselves over to some doctrine, catechism, dogma. Most were content to be directed, to be guided, to be led. I wasn’t one of them. I studied and I read alongside them, willing myself to “let go and let God,” but to no avail. I felt like we were reading different books, though they all held the same set of scriptures and red letters that I did. I sang the same songs, I prayed the same prayers, I asked for guidance wherever I could find it. And in the end, that still, small, quietly spoken voice won out over all the noise. It said, “there is truth in this book, but it is not what is being taught.” In my journey to learn what that truth was, I discovered myself. I learned far more on my own that aligned with my soul than I was ever taught or told to believe.
If only we all could have the courage to look within for ourselves; I think this world would be a very different place.
Human instrumentality. The idea that we could shed our loneliness in a coexistence as one divine being. That the culmination of the human experience is to arrive there, spirituality planting the seeds, to lead us to the promised land of ourselves. Spirituality for the individual; transcendence for the collective.
Except, we could have that now. The barriers we create against one another serve to strengthen the perception of total separation, and keeps us from learning our true selves. We believe if we remain separated in this fashion, we protect ourselves from the pain of deeply connecting with each other, never realizing that this fear of deep of connection is what causes that pain to begin with.
If only we all could have the courage to look within for ourselves; we could understand the source of that pain and overcome it.
Though, maybe in overcoming it is what human instrumentality is all about.
