i really need a vacation. i havent taken a real vacation (i.e. anything beyond a 3-day weekend) since 1998 -- and i cant even call that a vacation because i was on tour with my band at the time. lately, every other thing upsets me or frustrates me or gets me stressed out. when i get home, i dont feel like doing anything. i dont like getting out of bed in the morning. i wake up and actually wish i could force myself back to sleep and i end up staring at the ceiling, trying to brace myself for the day. i feel like i want to be left alone to do absolutely nothing. at the same time, i feel like im not on top of things -- stupid things just slip by, and then i get mad at myself!! and nows not the best time for me to feel like this since pixxie and i have all of the wedding madness to deal with plus my job, which just gets crazier and more frustrating by the day with the workload and staffing issues. i dont have the go-getter attitude i had when i got out of school. life seems to be having its way with me; and while im not happy about it, im too tired right now to fight it. i just need a break. but, a part of me wonders, even if i do get a break (which i will....honeymoon and all), will i have my energy back? will i have the same sense of i can accomplish anything that, sincerely now (dont laugh), really has propelled me this far?
dont get me wrong people, it's not that i'm unhappy. i have a great life and im really happy when pixxie and i get to hang out by ourselves. (i dont have to be grown up around her; i can be my weird, quirky, overgrown nerd-boy, music-geek self.) i think my tired feelings, my lack of pep, applies really just to my professional life and my own self-absorbed personal goals (but, hey, arent all personal goals, self-absorbing?). i just want to re-discover that spark. its a cliche, but i want to feel invincible again. am i hitting some sort of 30s crisis?
dont get me wrong people, it's not that i'm unhappy. i have a great life and im really happy when pixxie and i get to hang out by ourselves. (i dont have to be grown up around her; i can be my weird, quirky, overgrown nerd-boy, music-geek self.) i think my tired feelings, my lack of pep, applies really just to my professional life and my own self-absorbed personal goals (but, hey, arent all personal goals, self-absorbing?). i just want to re-discover that spark. its a cliche, but i want to feel invincible again. am i hitting some sort of 30s crisis?
Man, you've been taking care of so many people for so long...you really need to make sure and spend enough of the energy you have on yourself.
I don't know what to tell you really...life can be so fucked up and unreached goals haunt and cripple...hmm, maybe you need to focus less on the goals and think more about what you've already achieved. Might not seem like much next to those lofty goals but I'm sure you've accomplished a lot that you can be proud of.
Don't let the success your younger brother is having bug you either.
heh, it'll be alright...enjoy whatever time off you have to the fullest...never allow yourself to think about work the night before...always start fresh in the morning.
blah blah...best of luck with everything mang.