I'm feeling a little better now that I've had some time to settle in. I did most of my homework today outside, because it was just amazingly nice out. The summer is my favorite season, but I never appreciate it so much as when it is winding down, in its last throws of passing on into fall.
I'm feeling the compulsion to do a lot of gaming. I've had this urge to stay really preoccupied ever since I've come back to school. There is a weird energy now, and I don't think I'm the only one feeling it. I've been playing a lot of spades, chess, first person shooters, anything at all to give me something to do. I've read a lot, and I have a few books that I need to start in addition to my classwork that is about to be amped up next week, when we actually have a real class that doesn't involve going over the syllabus.
Going to a movie tonight with an old flame. I don't think there is anything that is going to happen. It didn't end well for us, but apparently there has been enough time to heal a little. There is still a little bit of awkwardness, but I'm not interested in or planning on dating anyone for a while. I think I have come to feel very strangely about romantic relationships. I have a hard time dating anyone that I really love and care about. I always associate relationships with chaotic emotions and insane modes of behavior, and whenever I really come to care about someone it makes it difficult for me to go through all that with them. I also don't like the sense of imbalance in power that usually goes on in relationships. There is almost inevitably a dependent and an independent, one who cares more and one who cares less, one who is more stable and one who is less stable. I think the relationship format nurtures that polarity in people. I don't like thinking of myself as either, and until I can find someone that I can balance myself out with really well, or until I learn to maintain that sense of balance within indefinitely, I don't think I'll be participating in the madness of the dating game.
I'm feeling the compulsion to do a lot of gaming. I've had this urge to stay really preoccupied ever since I've come back to school. There is a weird energy now, and I don't think I'm the only one feeling it. I've been playing a lot of spades, chess, first person shooters, anything at all to give me something to do. I've read a lot, and I have a few books that I need to start in addition to my classwork that is about to be amped up next week, when we actually have a real class that doesn't involve going over the syllabus.
Going to a movie tonight with an old flame. I don't think there is anything that is going to happen. It didn't end well for us, but apparently there has been enough time to heal a little. There is still a little bit of awkwardness, but I'm not interested in or planning on dating anyone for a while. I think I have come to feel very strangely about romantic relationships. I have a hard time dating anyone that I really love and care about. I always associate relationships with chaotic emotions and insane modes of behavior, and whenever I really come to care about someone it makes it difficult for me to go through all that with them. I also don't like the sense of imbalance in power that usually goes on in relationships. There is almost inevitably a dependent and an independent, one who cares more and one who cares less, one who is more stable and one who is less stable. I think the relationship format nurtures that polarity in people. I don't like thinking of myself as either, and until I can find someone that I can balance myself out with really well, or until I learn to maintain that sense of balance within indefinitely, I don't think I'll be participating in the madness of the dating game.