Well, after the 30th I won't be around for a while. I cancelled my account today, because I don't want to pay for the three months away from school when I won't have computer access. Hopefully, I will be back in the fall.
I'm trying to find a place to stay this summer. I've already got a paid internship at this homeless shelter, and I'm looking for another job. A good friend of mine doesn't want to have to go home for the summer, so she and I are looking for an apartment, but we've only got a couple of weeks. I think I'm finally getting used to never knowing where the fuck I'm going or what I'm doing. Everything is much more suspenseful this way. In the past it always bummed me out and I would always get really down this time of year, despite that summer is without a doubt my favorite season. Now it's kind of exciting.
I think I'm becoming a masochist. I've acquired so many injuries this past week, and my body hurts all over, but the funny thing is that I'm starting to like it. Sometimes I think you never feel so alive as when you are in pain. So far I've slammed my thumb in a car door, banged my shin and forearm falling out of a tree, stepped on an old board covered in nails, and consequently had to go get a tetanus shot which is now also causing a good deal of soreness in my arm. When we are just walking around all healthy and feeling well, we take our bodies for granted. When you hurt, you can feel everything a little more acutely.
The situation with the girl is still up in the air. I've just been trying to keep hanging out with her and enjoy it for what it is, but I think we are getting closer again. I've been careful not to dwell on things or allow myself to get wrapped up in them, trying to keep my intentions good and my vision diamondlike. It's still difficult, but I kind of like walking the edge of the blade separating maddening passion and dejected distance. It keeps me on my toes, and I'll be quicker and wiser for it when it is all said and done.
I'm trying to find a place to stay this summer. I've already got a paid internship at this homeless shelter, and I'm looking for another job. A good friend of mine doesn't want to have to go home for the summer, so she and I are looking for an apartment, but we've only got a couple of weeks. I think I'm finally getting used to never knowing where the fuck I'm going or what I'm doing. Everything is much more suspenseful this way. In the past it always bummed me out and I would always get really down this time of year, despite that summer is without a doubt my favorite season. Now it's kind of exciting.
I think I'm becoming a masochist. I've acquired so many injuries this past week, and my body hurts all over, but the funny thing is that I'm starting to like it. Sometimes I think you never feel so alive as when you are in pain. So far I've slammed my thumb in a car door, banged my shin and forearm falling out of a tree, stepped on an old board covered in nails, and consequently had to go get a tetanus shot which is now also causing a good deal of soreness in my arm. When we are just walking around all healthy and feeling well, we take our bodies for granted. When you hurt, you can feel everything a little more acutely.
The situation with the girl is still up in the air. I've just been trying to keep hanging out with her and enjoy it for what it is, but I think we are getting closer again. I've been careful not to dwell on things or allow myself to get wrapped up in them, trying to keep my intentions good and my vision diamondlike. It's still difficult, but I kind of like walking the edge of the blade separating maddening passion and dejected distance. It keeps me on my toes, and I'll be quicker and wiser for it when it is all said and done.
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Yes, I hope so too! I def. miss your insightfulness in my world and yours.
"I'm trying to find a place to stay this summer. I've already got a paid internship at this homeless shelter, and I'm looking for another job. A good friend of mine doesn't want to have to go home for the summer, so she and I are looking for an apartment, but we've only got a couple of weeks. I think I'm finally getting used to never knowing where the fuck I'm going or what I'm doing. Everything is much more suspenseful this way. In the past it always bummed me out and I would always get really down this time of year, despite that summer is without a doubt my favorite season. Now it's kind of exciting."
Good luck, I really wish you had access SOMEWHERE, anywhere. It sounds like your life is about to become very interesting. Wish we could come along. I used to have a 'Plan A' and then a 'Plan B' just in case. Now it's better to just go with it I find, create.
"I think I'm becoming a masochist. I've acquired so many injuries this past week, and my body hurts all over, but the funny thing is that I'm starting to like it. Sometimes I think you never feel so alive as when you are in pain. So far I've slammed my thumb in a car door, banged my shin and forearm falling out of a tree, stepped on an old board covered in nails, and consequently had to go get a tetanus shot which is now also causing a good deal of soreness in my arm. When we are just walking around all healthy and feeling well, we take our bodies for granted. When you hurt, you can feel everything a little more acutely."
I was just driving the other day thinking how good I felt. Alive and well. Mostly because I haven't always felt well, and I run into people that aren't well. That are old, have cancer are sick. So I feel good, for one second, because I am alive and nothing hurts. Not a hangnail.
"The situation with the girl is still up in the air. I've just been trying to keep hanging out with her and enjoy it for what it is, but I think we are getting closer again. I've been careful not to dwell on things or allow myself to get wrapped up in them, trying to keep my intentions good and my vision diamondlike. It's still difficult, but I kind of like walking the edge of the blade separating maddening passion and dejected distance. It keeps me on my toes, and I'll be quicker and wiser for it when it is all said and done."
Don't you wish you could videotape yourself and review 5, 10 or even 20 years in the future? Would you want to and what relationship mistakes do you think we'll have learned from by then? Looking back years I'd like to think I have learned something which means in the future I'll be able to look to now making mistakes right, how?
Don't force anything. Just let it be. Take opportunities as they come.