Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

nolan_void

Splitsville, daddio

Member Since 2004

Followers 22 Following 38

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Saturday Feb 05, 2005

Feb 5, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
I was born in the darkest, coldest month of the year. Even though I know this isn't necessarily true, some days it feels like it has always been December. I've spent most of it chasing the sun, trying to find a place where it never gets cold.

I long for the singer with a siren's voice who lives in the dark nightclubs in my mind that smell of sweet smoke and glow with soft, faint, colorful lights. But I can't seem to wash myself of this idea of unworthiness that keeps me from getting there. Between me and that phantasmal feminine ideal there seems to be a distinction, a seperation, a stratification, but maybe it is all in my mind. The mind can be a prison.

And sometimes I wish I could just turn inside and walk the halls of those esteemed dreams I dream, escaping the waking world in search of a made up girl even though I'm almost a boy who has already given up and died. But without waking there would be no dreams. This is where it all takes place.

Are we so biologically bound that mating is the only meaning to be found? It all seems so wrapped up in dating that the only way of rating who I am and where I've been, where I've gone and where I'm going is who I've done. I don't know how to be a person outside of this context, and maybe it's a defect but it has just become reflex to feel like there is little more out there than just having sex.

It's been so long since I've just listened to the silence. Sometimes all I can hear is noise, but then again that is all I have been listening for. Somewhere in my head I remember that I read that Hell is just a bunch of noise.

More Blogs

  • 02.07.06
    3

    Tuesday Feb 07, 2006

    For the last couple of years I've been having the problem that a lot …
  • 02.05.06
    3

    Monday Feb 06, 2006

    There has been a shift in my energy. In the past I have often though…
  • 02.03.06
    1

    Saturday Feb 04, 2006

    The days are just slipping by. I let them go. I can't stop them any…
  • 02.01.06
    2

    Wednesday Feb 01, 2006

    Often I hurt, and I don't know what to do, and I'm afraid being alone…
  • 01.31.06
    0

    Tuesday Jan 31, 2006

    Tonight I swore off collectable gaming for the rest of my life. I wa…
  • 01.29.06
    4

    Sunday Jan 29, 2006

    Well, I've been out of commision for a week. I got sick. I watched …
  • 01.18.06
    1

    Wednesday Jan 18, 2006

    Had some dreams last night. They didn't necessarily occur in this or…
  • 01.17.06
    0

    Tuesday Jan 17, 2006

    The exercise is coming well. Getting better and better times with th…
  • 01.15.06
    1

    Sunday Jan 15, 2006

    So work was sloooooow today. I took the time to write a 6 page short…
  • 01.14.06
    3

    Saturday Jan 14, 2006

    I've returned again. I was made an offer I couldn't refuse. Such is…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
21
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,613 followers
  • 14,946,853 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,458,366 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo