nolan_void

I'm a little drunk right now, but not so much that I won't be able to make a reasonable amount of sense. Yesterday I was talking to my therapist about how I lack reliable and supportive people to fill the parental roles in my life, I began to realize how much fictional characters have become a substitute for that lack. This led me to the second time I've ever started crying when discussing a comic book character. The first was when I was explaining to my mom how Superman's role as an inspirer was so much more important than that of a savior. The second came yesterday. Even now as I replay it in my head it seems really hokey and cheesey, but it's real and I guess there is nothing more redeeming than that. I was thinking about Bruce Wayne and how he was an orphan, and in a lot of ways I feel like a spiritual orphan. My parents weren't killed, but sometimes they are so far away that they seem as if they are dead to me. Then I remembered this dialogue in the really horrible Teen Titans cartoon between Robin and Deathstroke. Deathstroke is trying to convince Robin to be his protege and tries to convince him by saying that he could be like a father to him. Robin's reply is "I already have a father" and bats flutter across the screen as the scene ends. This moment just kept replaying in my head over and over again yesterday. A lot of times I feel like what is going on in my head is more real than what is going on outside, in the rest of the fucked up world.