No more fiction for now. I need to vent. Right now (and I realize the impermanent nature of my feelings) I really fucking hate being in school and writing all these goddamn papers and so forth. Having said that, I feel better all ready.
I should be sleeping right now, but I have to get up early in the morning and go to a class where nobody reads but me and Cavatica, and then go do an oral presentation. That isn't so bad (at least I get to do it on one of my favorite topics: profanity), but I just wish all this shit wasn't coming at once. That's the end of the year for ya though. Seems like every school year ends up that way. I fuck off at the beginning, and then at the end when I really need to fuck off a little bit I have scramble like crazy to make up for all the fucking off that I did at the beginning of the semester.
And what is really going to sound crazy is that as much as all of this work is bearing down on me, what sucks the most is the fact that a long winter break is coming up. We get out of school for a whole month, which doesn't seem that long when you have a place to live, but when you're homeless it might as well be a fucking eternity. It always makes me really bitter when people talk happily about leaving school for break, and how great it is to get away and blah blah blah. My children will never, ever live like this. If I can't make sure of that, I guess I will just have to settle for not having any...
I should be sleeping right now, but I have to get up early in the morning and go to a class where nobody reads but me and Cavatica, and then go do an oral presentation. That isn't so bad (at least I get to do it on one of my favorite topics: profanity), but I just wish all this shit wasn't coming at once. That's the end of the year for ya though. Seems like every school year ends up that way. I fuck off at the beginning, and then at the end when I really need to fuck off a little bit I have scramble like crazy to make up for all the fucking off that I did at the beginning of the semester.
And what is really going to sound crazy is that as much as all of this work is bearing down on me, what sucks the most is the fact that a long winter break is coming up. We get out of school for a whole month, which doesn't seem that long when you have a place to live, but when you're homeless it might as well be a fucking eternity. It always makes me really bitter when people talk happily about leaving school for break, and how great it is to get away and blah blah blah. My children will never, ever live like this. If I can't make sure of that, I guess I will just have to settle for not having any...
And I know it'll be a long month for you, but last night I got to thinking-- I don't know what Joe's doing over break, but maybe the three of us could get together and do something for New Years? You'll have basically just had your birthday, and Christmas and stuff, and I can drive down and we can celebrate everything in one fell swoop. It'd give you a break from your, um, break. Or something.
Also, I've just gotta throw this out there: I know how much you want kids, and I'm certain you'll have them, but I really admire your stance on the poverty issue. I'm so fucking sick and tired of hearing about children brought into the world by people who KNOW they can't raise them the way they deserve to be raised, but just can't bring themselves to overcome their own insipidly selfish reasons for creating life that won't have much of a life at all.
Here. Have a
:>
[Edited on Nov 18, 2004 12:27PM]
Wow that's harsh that you don't have anywhere to go for the winter break. Hope things work out for you and that you have do end up having a nice break.