nolan_void

Last night I had one of the most clear moments of realization that I have had in a while. I've been reading all kinds of philosophy and books on spiritual guidance, feeling as if I have been learning a lot of good things from them, and yet I still find myself feeling bad about the same things I did before I read them. I felt as if I were in the middle of a knot that was trying to unravel itself, and I thought it was funny how when you feel your worst, all the philosophy and reason in the world doesn't really do a damn bit of good. It was was then that everything halted in one pristine moment as I heard myself say from the root of my being, "I don't know anything." Somehow, it was a tremendous relief. The room, though dark, somehow seemed more real after that. The sounds of a train, the people in the hallway, and everything else sounded clearer. And then I just closed my eyes and took it all in. Instead of trying to deny my mind's desire to fantasize about the different times and circumstances, I just let it go, but this time with a more watchful presence. I started thinking about what I would do if I just became ridiculously rich, and this time I really had no idea. I honestly couldn't think of the first thing I would have done if had inherited a billion dollars right that second. My mental conditioning suggested "buy a car" or "buy a house", but the first thing my conscious mind said was move away from here. And now we are getting to the part where I don't feel like sharing anymore

Resolution