nolan_void

Well, it gets to this point every couple of years or so. Here I am again. I'm not getting what I want out of a situation. I'm not getting something nourishing out of a routine. I spend more time on the internet reading silly crap and arguing with people on forums than I do digging up anything really enlightening and talking to the people who are valued friends.

It may just be that there inevitably comes a point in any experience where it turns into its opposite; that may just be the way of things in a dualistic world. To say the very least, our reality is in a constant state of flux, and often things that give us joy one day can become obsessive dangers to our mental health on another. I feel and realize that on some level my daily internet routing of checking different groups, news sites, blogs, and outlets of various media has become something of an unproductive habit and that I must transcend it until such a time occurs that I may need that sort of thing in my life again. Right now, I'm about to go back to school for the final time, and I feel a sense of deepening on an inward plane that needs more attention than any of the stuff I allow myself to be swept up in on a daily basis. I've been feeling as if I'm going through a period of intense metamorphosis, and it is not without its negative side effects. But it is something that must be endured, penetrated, transmuted, and reabsorbed into my being as valid experience that serves some ineffable purpose that I'm not entirely sure of how to define at this point.

So for now, it is so long to SG. It has become less of a tool to broaden myself and more of a crutch to waste away the time that I find myself faced with on a daily basis. Instead of running from that time, I want to move more fully into it, and find out what I should really be doing with it while I have it.

Peace.