nolan_void

Last night I had an unusual dream. Actually, when you break down the psychology of it, it is pretty straightforward. I was some kind of "thing" in human clothing. Be it demon or vampire or werewolf, whatever. I knew I couldn't die, and I knew no harm could come to me from mortal hands. I met this girl, and I suspected she was like me, and I knew better but I was into her anyway. I remember talking about her belly, me saying that I liked it and her saying that it was such a vulnerable place. I remember thinking, I like vulnerability. And I did too, because it meant the best way to kill something, to win, to conquer.

So we get together with some of her friends, and we start to watch a movie. Somewhere through the movie something happens, like some government spooks come looking for her and all the friends hide, but I systematically go through the house and murder all the intruders with my bare hands. And it feels good I guess, but not great. Honestly I don't think about it that much at all. It's like doing a job. I just find one, ignore their gunshots and their knives they stick in me, and I kill them all until I'm covered in their blood. And it just feels right for some reason. That's the weirdest part to me. It just feels like that is how it SHOULD be. It's the ego's best dream come true.

I look for the girl, but she is no where to be found. She slunk away in all the commotion, because that's what she's good at. Disappearing and fading, hitting and running, escaping without a trace. I look for her, but she's gone, and then I make sure the friends are okay, and they're kind of freaked out because at this point I'm mostly naked and covered in blood and it doesn't even strike me as unusual. My favorite part of this dream is that I don't have to give a shit about what anyone else in the world thinks. It just never occurs to me.

Later the next day, the girl shows up again, acting playful about the fact that she disappeared off to some unknown place on some unknown business. We go out that night to a bar, and there are a lot of people I used to know, a couple of ex-girlfriends. They ask me what I'm up to these days, and I think, I'm a murderous creature of the night and it feels pretty damn good. How's grad school, or whatever the fuck it was you did with YOUR life? But I don't say that. I let them make awkward small talk with me while I decide whether or not I'm going to kill them and/or drink their blood. Still, no guilt, no reservations. I guess it is just a predatory thing. A wolf doesn't feel bad about his next meal, I assume. Why should I? But my new ladyfriend keeps my focus. I like that she's a "thing" too. I like that she's not like these others, that she knows the secrets of the world. It makes me feel like we share a special understanding, which is what everyone wants I guess. And the rest of these people feel insignificant because they are on the outside of this understanding.

So yeah, like I said, pretty straightforward. I'm not a complex guy. I just want invulnerable, demonic strength along with the power to kill at a whim for personal benefit, and someone to share it with. Doesn't everyone?