I wonder how they determine how long is long enough in school. For most cases, it seems to be about 3-4 years. Think about it. Elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and grad school all take that amount of time. I wonder if that is how long they figure it takes to become proficient enough to move on, or if it is just the standard amount of time that they can reasonably expect a person to stay in the same place, doing the same thing, with the same people. I'm so fucking sick of having all this school work looming over me.

I'm worried that I've become involuntarily become a monk. I never intended to. I know I don't live in a monastery surrounded by people who dress just like me and have the same haircuts, but I'm having trouble picturing myself in a romantic relationship ever again. It actually sort of hurts me, psycho-somatically, to be around beautiful women. I think this is largely due to some idea that has wormed its way into the core of my being that suggests that they are ever out of my reach. I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel real love that I can give myself over to. It makes me feel sick to think about it. I need to meditate on this.