nolan_void

So there is this thing wired into us, as human beings, that makes us feel as if we need to be with other people. I'm not sure what it is or why it is, but I know it is there. I am also aware that I have developed a complex around this impulse, where I am made uneasy by any thought of trying to initiate a romantic relationship of any sort with a woman.

Maybe I have lost a degree of confidence in myself. I'm fairly certain that is it. Does this stem from a lifetime of parental neglect, or just series of relationships where things have ended up kind of badly? I don't know if I'm just at a inconvenient time in my life for this kind of thing, or if this is problem that will reach into all times in my life until I solve it. I don't know what reason I could possibly have to not feel good about myself, but the feeling is there. I can see it, like an unwanted guest. What do you do with unwanted guests? I suppose I could just be more hospitable.

Going out and making yourself vulnerable to people is a big risk to the ego, the false, imagined, mind-made self. Maybe I have too much of that congealed in my head.

Either way, I can't be anything other than what I am. I'm just going to live the way that makes me happiest and let the rest of the world do its thing. If it wants to dance with me, I'll be around.