birthday pony
This is a strange kind of rest
Because i feel like a guest when I'm right here at home
I'm not right here at home
***************************
accidental trip to Devon may have saved my life, didn't have to spend a penny the whole 5 days, though i did catch a chill from sea and sleeping on the beach in the chilly evening after HAAAAWT days. Mads is my dear love
can't believe my free ride to Manchester fell through. so many politics involved in being employed by friends, damn
at least i have a chance to recover, hate hate hate summer colds - at least it rained today, and i have Trump's Almodovar box set for my viewing pleasure, and Dial M for Murder was on TV today AND my ma brought me the sweet elixir that is Lucozade. but i really need to get back to MY hole, MY house, feel really torn up
working back here spun me out so hard, can't do it, too many faces, further alcohol-rotted just --- there
living back here - too much empty space where he used to be and be drunk but it be normal and...
i just can't
seems recently the only way i can be content is to switch off entirely, mental inertia. or otherwise there's totally indescribable friction in there. my biggest fear is not being able to control my mind
the ex rang, he wants to come stay when he gets back to England before he takes off for his year abroad... i was able to retain composure whilst conversing as he was slightly sozzled - consequently i was warmed by superior feelings
and seriousness was avoided, creating a happily condescending telephone persona tonight
However whether i'll be able to maintain that face to face, not wheedle and attempt to ply the big red stamp of CLOSURE from his resolutely dispassionate facade, is something i'm loath to test for my quietly redeveloping diginity's sake
he is the fool, repeat, HE is the fool
anyhoo, been drawing today. have all sorts of writer's block though
excited about my house and my classes this year, gunna buy stationery tomorrow
let the new ACTIVE, UNSTOPPABLE me commence
reeeeally need someone to cruise around with to look for MY OWN AUTOMOBILE forsooth, at long last. the madre's involvement must end NOW, she drive me crazy (
), my money. my wheels. my decision
jeez louise, it's like she's forgotten i moved out 3 years ago,
tttt time warp
my budget is bigger too now, god bless his resting soul my grampa sure did pick his timing good, need my own steam so bad i can taste it. it took me 4 hours to get from Devon to Dorset on the train
(these counties are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER in case you don't know, driving would take 2 hours TOPS)
creeping jesus look at the time
This is a strange kind of rest
Because i feel like a guest when I'm right here at home
I'm not right here at home
***************************
accidental trip to Devon may have saved my life, didn't have to spend a penny the whole 5 days, though i did catch a chill from sea and sleeping on the beach in the chilly evening after HAAAAWT days. Mads is my dear love
can't believe my free ride to Manchester fell through. so many politics involved in being employed by friends, damn
at least i have a chance to recover, hate hate hate summer colds - at least it rained today, and i have Trump's Almodovar box set for my viewing pleasure, and Dial M for Murder was on TV today AND my ma brought me the sweet elixir that is Lucozade. but i really need to get back to MY hole, MY house, feel really torn up
working back here spun me out so hard, can't do it, too many faces, further alcohol-rotted just --- there
living back here - too much empty space where he used to be and be drunk but it be normal and...
i just can't
seems recently the only way i can be content is to switch off entirely, mental inertia. or otherwise there's totally indescribable friction in there. my biggest fear is not being able to control my mind
the ex rang, he wants to come stay when he gets back to England before he takes off for his year abroad... i was able to retain composure whilst conversing as he was slightly sozzled - consequently i was warmed by superior feelings
and seriousness was avoided, creating a happily condescending telephone persona tonight
However whether i'll be able to maintain that face to face, not wheedle and attempt to ply the big red stamp of CLOSURE from his resolutely dispassionate facade, is something i'm loath to test for my quietly redeveloping diginity's sake
he is the fool, repeat, HE is the fool
anyhoo, been drawing today. have all sorts of writer's block though
excited about my house and my classes this year, gunna buy stationery tomorrow
let the new ACTIVE, UNSTOPPABLE me commence
reeeeally need someone to cruise around with to look for MY OWN AUTOMOBILE forsooth, at long last. the madre's involvement must end NOW, she drive me crazy (
), my money. my wheels. my decision
jeez louise, it's like she's forgotten i moved out 3 years ago,
tttt time warp
my budget is bigger too now, god bless his resting soul my grampa sure did pick his timing good, need my own steam so bad i can taste it. it took me 4 hours to get from Devon to Dorset on the train
(these counties are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER in case you don't know, driving would take 2 hours TOPS)
creeping jesus look at the time
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
your name change flummoxed me.
send me drawings!