nogodsnomanagers

bah humbug. my computer is officially DEAD

i now have to shell out a heap of money for a new one, and i have to replace my stereo too
technology hates me

however i'm gunna get me a brand spanking new laptop with all the good stuff i want on it even if it means i'm going to eat beans for the rest of the year, plus start backing shit up properly because i lost most of 3 years worth of writing (aaaaaaaaaargh)
thus a valuable lesson has been learnt and i'll lose some weight to boot

er, have been on jaunts to visit friends in far away places lately, lots of fun but now i am stuck back in the middle of nowhere with no money and my grieving mother (she just doesn't seem to want to be happy, it's driving me nuts) i have a big nasty cold and so generally feeling lonely and yuck

broke up with the boy, and now seem to be back with him. although i don't really know why. he doesn't seem to approve of anything about me, and yet he can't handle not being with me. i'm afraid it's because he doesn't want to face me every day without knowing he has some hold over me. it's a control thing. i'm having too many problems figuring out the way i feel right now. he's so time consuming, and i hate myself for thinking about it so much

tomorrow many randomers descend upon my house for easter. people i don't know and don't want to know but that my moms has decided need the company. at least one of my friends will be there. but i'm not looking forward to the tenseness and having to be social

i feel really negative. i wish i could identify why

anyway, i'm going to go think about it. there's fuck all else for me to do