nogodsnomanagers

guuuh, messy friday, saturday, sunday and monday
and i resolved to lock myself away to do some fucking work. useless

however spending time with some friends i haven't seen in a reeeally long time this weekend was amazing
the reason we've all got back together, as nasty and fucked up as it is, has kinda fixed some wrong feelings within what was my closest crew for a long time

there are whole new wrong things now, but maybe i'm just being neurotic. it just doesn't sit well with me that certain people are fucking so soon

there is a guy that is on my mind
and will not go away
i have no doubt that he feels nothing for me, but the more i want to stop thinking the busier it is between my ears
and that sucks

my hopes for this year are that i spend more time sober
that i see daylight more often
that i do useful and creative things with my time
and maybe leave my bed on a more regular basis, get more fresh air, and possibly some exercise
do my work before the very last minute? put some real effort into anything?
give up my fear of failure that stops me from doing pretty much everything
eat more sensibly
be less stubborn

and if it's going to make my mother happy i guess i'll be shrunk some more. i don't want to because i like to think i'm capable of sorting my own shit out and that my friends are good enough help
but truly, i'm lazy and stubborn (see resolution above) and the point of no return is rapidly approaching

i have potential, i'm wasting time and energy
tomorrow i won't believe in myself anymore and will be happy to lie around doing nothing... i wish there was someone i could talk to properly and have them remind me of some things sometimes. so maybe mother's right

haha, having said all that, i'm gunna go lie down. i need dark softness

what have you resolved?
x

ps pic of new lip added